Time for this week’s edition of everyone’s favorite COED franchise: Eric wages a holy war against the evil empires of fast food. In my cross-hairs today? McDonald’s.
McDonald’s, despite the fact that they’re such a pitiful and disgusting franchise, is still the Darth Vader of the fast food industry Representing the establishment and preying on the mentally-weak obese, McDonald’s is everything that’s wrong with American dietary culture.
It comes as no surprise that in an effort to combat decreasing sales and in-store visits (because, news flash, McDonald’s blows), the Golden Arches are now offering $1 sodas of any size starting in April, with McCafe specialty drinks including smoothies, frappes, and shakes being sold for $2. Mickey Dee’s is hoping the cheap drinks can help draw more customers into its stores in the U.S. as it fights to reverse a decline in visits.
McDonald’s has been revamping its menu and marketing since Steve Easterbrook took the helm almost two years ago. Along with the introduction of all-day breakfast, Easterbrook has relied more on discounts and promotions across the country. Last year, the chain advertised two-for-$2 and two-for-$5 deals to bring back diners they’d lost after nixing its popular Dollar Menu.
McDonald’s leads a $228 billion U.S. fast-food industry that faces slackening growth. After increasing 2.4 percent last year, revenue gains will slow to 1.5 percent this year and 1.6 percent in 2018, data from researcher IBISWorld show. McDonald’s shares have gained 5 percent this year, about the same as the Standard & Poor’s 500 Restaurants Index.
The McDonald’s promotion, which starts in April, will include soft drinks of any size for $1. For a limited time, customers can also buy small McCafe beverages such as smoothies and frappes for $2. At stores in Chicago on Tuesday, small McCafe frappes sold for between $2.69 and $3.09. The chain plans to support the rollout with national advertising.
I give it another 10, MAYBE 20 years until McDonald’s is belly up with me dancing on their greasy, heart-clogging grave.