One of the best things you gain from the college experience outside of the obvious education is some lifelong friends and a sense of camaraderie. You are a part of something that is much bigger than you and being an alumnus of a prestigious college or university is something that no one will ever be able to take away from you. But, be sure you don’t fall into the same trap that some popular college alumni groups.
We all know there are your Ivy League grads or fans of a major college football program that walk around with a sense of obnoxious entitlement.
You know what I’m talking about: the ‘Bammers always yelling “Roll Tide,” the people who blindly support their university football team even if their head coach may have been part of a sexual assault cover-up, and Ivy Leaguers who go with the “I have the best education. Trust me,” retorts.
So which universities and colleges have the most obnoxious alumni?
Without further ado, let’s take a look.
10. Penn State University
There isn’t much more annoying than the “WE ARE!” chants that you hear ringing throughout Beaver Stadium. Penn State — rightfully — is recognized as the best football program in its state, but the loyal followers of the Nittany Lions should dial it back a few notches. Oh, and sorry, but Beaver Stadium is old and run down. You can feel the stadium shake as the crowd cheers, so maybe some renovations are in order — preferably before 2023.
And on a more serious note: the Penn State alumni base really saw the public perception of it turn during the Jerry Sandusky scandal. In a trend that we will touch on later on down the list, the alumni base and fans were bending over backward to justify the missteps taken by Joe Paterno as he ignored decades of sexual assault by one of his top assistants.
Location: State College, Pennsylvania
Endowment: $3.64 billion
Enrolled: 84,686 undergraduates and 14,477 postgraduates
9. Yale University
Yale has produced some brilliant alumni, but let’s be real: you aren’t all up to par. For every Ben Silbermann, Indra Nooyi, and Sonia Sotomayor you give us, you’re also responsible for Pat Robertson, Bill Clinton (sorry), and, yes, even James Franco.
And no one wants to hear about how your Ivy League school is better than the other. It isn’t. But silver lining: you aren’t the most annoying.
Location: New Haven, Connecticut
Established: October 9, 1701
Endowment: $27.2 billion
Enrolled: 5,453 undergraduates and 6,859 postgraduates
8. Stanford University
“It’s not exactly a Stanford education” may be one of the most pretentious things you can hear when discussing a college experience. Yes, you have some prestigious athletics, but quick puffing your chest out and pretending that you’re an Ivy League school. You’re not. So stop pretending.
Location: Stanford, California
Endowment: $24.8 billion
Enrolled: 7,062 undergraduates and 9,368 postgraduates
7. University of Michigan
One of the most annoying things about Michigan alumni is that they happen to be everywhere. You can’t travel to any gathering without seeing a yellow block “M” on some article of clothing and the cringe-worthy “Go Big Blue” chants are enough to make you wish you were a life-long Ohio State fan. Go back to Ann Arbor, no one wants to hear that nonsense.
Location: Ann Arbor, Michigan
Founded: August 26, 1817
Endowment: $10.9 billion
Enrolled: 28,983 undergraduates and 15,735 postgraduates
6. Duke University
Like Stanford, Duke takes pride in their academics which is understandable, but do you remember that whole pretentious thing? Yeah, that fits here, too. But to take Duke to the next level, you have the nonstop cheerleading for their basketball program. For those who follow college basketball, you know that the Blue Devils are one of the most hated programs in the nation, so it’s always great to see the team crash-and-burn out of the tournament to see the smug smiles wiped off the faces of their fans and alumni.
Location: Durham, North Carolina
Endowment: $7.9 billion
Enrolled: 6,449 undergraduates and 8,383 postgraduates
5. University of Notre Dame
Notre Dame alumni seem to groom their children to love the school from birth. You really don’t have a choice. And any chance they get, they will go on a rant about how Notre Dame is the best school in the country, with the most beautiful buildings, and beautiful campus. You know what? Shove it. I’m sick of listening to Mike Golic blabber non-stop about the school every morning on the radio, so he’s ruined it for the rest of you.
I leave you with this that a wise man once wrote:
Q: “How do you know if someone graduated from Notre Dame?”
A: “Don’t worry…they’ll tell you. Also, they’re a virgin.”
Location: Notre Dame, Indiana
Established: November 26, 1842
Endowment: $11.8 billion
Enrolled: 8,448 undergraduates and 3,731 postgraduates
4. University of Texas
This one is pretty simple. First, the school wants to claim sole ownership to the “Hook ’em” sign, when there’s a debatable history in rock ‘n roll. Then, you have that god awful burnt orange that matches nothing on this planet outside of cowboy boots and Wrangler jeans. We can already tell where you’re from. There’s no need to beat a dead horse.
Location: Austin, Texas
Established: September 15, 1883
Endowment: $3.983 billion
Enrolled: 40,492 undergraduates and 11,033 postgraduates
3. University of Alabama
“Rollllllllll Tide.” It should make your skin crawl even reading it if you live outside of the state’s borders. The problem with Alabama alumni is that they are unabashedly loyal to the school because they’ve never been outside of a 100-mile radius. We get it, the University of Alabama is the only thing your state has going for you. And the football team is pretty damn good, but let’s ease up on the “Roll Tides” for the sake of humanity.
Oh, and don’t even get me started on “Rammer Jammer.” PS: Why is your mascot an elephant?
Location: Tuscaloosa, Alabama
Established: December 18, 1820
Endowment: $683.2 million
Enrolled: 33,305 undergraduates and 5,258 postgraduates
2. Ohio State University
Remember that whole JoePa-Penn State thing earlier on the list? Yeah, well that applies here. It is fresh in our minds, too, thanks to head football coach Urban Meyer failing to take appropriate measures to address a history of domestic abuse allegations against his long-time friend and assistant Zach Smith. Not only did the Ohio State alumni stand by him, they held a rally to show support, they showed up to meetings to defend him and fight against a suspension, and still believe that he was unfairly prosecuted despite being given an embarrassingly short three-game suspension. This is a bad look on everyone.
Location: Columbus, Ohio
Endowment: $4.253 billion
Enrolled: 45,946 undergraduates and 13,891 postgraduates
1. Harvard University
Well, well, well… we have finally made it. We get it. You paid a lot of money to go to school. You have a piece of paper with that “H” on it that makes you feel superior to the rest of people your age who graduated from those dirty little state schools. But you want to know the god’s honest truth? No one cares. Sure, that Harvard degree may get you an extra look, but it makes you no more qualified than anyone else. In fact, there may be things that a Harvard grad knows that I don’t. But I can guarantee you there are things I know that a Harvard graduate doesn’t. And guess what? I don’t go around starting every sentence with “I went to ______.” No one cares. Zip it. Keep it to yourself or some other polo-wearing yuppy who will pretend to be impressed you did fencing or were on the sail team.
Location: Cambridge, Massachusetts
Endowment: $37.1 billion
Enrolled: 6,700 undergraduates and 15,250 postgraduates