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Your life is over once you graduate college.
Just kidding. But college is the most fun four years of your life. While the real world has its perks, every twenty-something post-grad still feels the pull of undergrad life every now and then. So without further ado, here are the five things alumni miss most about college.
1. Lazy Sundays (Through Saturdays)
College is a fantasy land where your every whim can be indulged at any time. Wake up in the early morning of a weekday and don’t feel like going to class, guess what? You don’t have to. You can roll over and pleasantly drift back into your dream of winning Super Bowl MVP and marrying a supermodel (wait, that’s a real thing?). We’re not saying every college student completely disregards their academic responsibilities, but unless attendance is part of your grade, there’s no reason why you should be sitting in Western Civ three times a week. Don’t be a chump.
The real world doesn’t work that way. You can’t wake up after the Super Bowl still drunk and covered in wing sauce and just say “Eh, screw it.” Well, you can, but we don’t suggest it if you enjoy having healthcare and rent money. College is really the only time in your life where you can completely shirk your responsibilities with virtually zero repercussions.
Ah, the good life.
2. Anti-Dieting
We all had that one fraternity brother who was all bout the #Gainz, bro. But for the most part, college is not healthy living.
The lack of a kitchen in dorm rooms means you’re surviving on a steady diet of ramen noodles, cereal, beer, runny eggs from the cafeteria, and more beer. Living in a frat house or cramming six people into a three-bedroom apartment means your kitchen is so sickeningly dirty that you’re not confident you can prepare food in it without contracting E.coli.
But once you’re an “adult” in the real world, things begin to change. The pounds pack on quicker and slide off slower, meaning you start saying soft things like, “I really shouldn’t have any more carbs today.” You know you’ve matured when a dozen Krispy Kreme donuts no longer qualifies as dinner.
*sighs deeply
**dies a little on the inside
3. Casual Sex
Tell me if this sounds familiar: house party, drink, dance with girl, leave with girl, sleep with girl, sneak out, never speak again.
Hooking up in college is as common as changing the TV channel. Hell, you could get a girl’s number just by asking for help in Public Speaking 101. There are no grand romantic gestures in college; sex is more of a nightly contest to be won. Now that may not be the healthiest way to go about things, but it sure is fun.
Of course hookups still exist after college, but the dating scene shifts from dive bars and twin bed tussles to wine bars and Bumble. The entire vibe is a bit more serious and while everyone has to grow up eventually, we still occasionally yearn for a simpler time.
4. Binge Drinking
Here’s one possible example of a college student’s drinking schedule:
Sunday: Drinking all day for NFL.
Monday: Drinking for Monday Night Football.
Tuesday: “Hey, wanna drink tonight?” “Nah, I drank last night… Screw it, get me a bottle of Burnett’s.”
Wednesday: Weekly trivia night where beer pitchers only cost $5.
Thursday: Thirsty Thursday, duh.
Friday: It’s the weekend!
Saturday: It’s still the weekend!
Once you graduate, it’s like your body knows you’re supposed to be a responsible adult now. Suddenly, hangovers stretch on for eternity and your recovery time is absolutely shot. If you go out drinking Friday night, you literally can’t plan anything of importance for Saturday morning… or afternoon… or early evening. It’s a whole different ball game, kids.
5. Summers Off
Every kid ages 5-22 takes summer vacations for granted. Having a tough semester? Don’t worry, summer is almost here. Need more free time to work on your start-up idea? Don’t worry, summer is almost here. Just want to party more without the inconvenient interruptions of schoolwork? Don’t worry, summer is almost here.
No matter what your situation was, you always had a few months of down time to look forward to. The idea of a year-round grind was as alien and unpalatable as responsible alcohol consumption and safe sex. Our suggestion to all of you current college kids: follow Billy Madison’s advice and cherish it.
