Halloween 'Adulting' 2017: 7 Best Ways To Trick-or-Treating Past Proper Age

With all the fun of Halloween festivals and wine parties, we often forget the simple joys of trick-or-treating, especially given that it is cheaper and more available than festivals for most people. Sure, you could just buy the candy yourself, but that costs money. Going around asking people for candy does not directly cost money. It is clearly a wise investment. That said, when you reach your Twenties, people start to call the police when they catch you trick-or-treating. Fortunately, College Times has come with a list of ways to help the average twenty-something to thirty-something still be Peter Pan.

Here are the seven ways you can get free candy this year!

Plan a Song & Dance Routine!

Why should Christmas have the monopoly on door-to-door carolers? Have a little song-and-dance prepared to go along with your character. Even if it’s just some slam poetry, people will think it’s performance art and give you candy. Or money handouts. Which, if saved up, can be exchanged for candy.

Borrow Some Children

If you have relatives with young children who seem bitter about having to take said children out on Halloween night, you can always offer your services. Alternatively, you could adopt children, make children the old-fashioned way or lure children to your gingerbread house in the Black Forest and force them to go trick-or-treating with you, but all that could take months we just don’t have!

Wear Shoes on Your Knees

If people think you actually are just an ugly child, there is no risk involved! Alternatively, just have your knees surgically removed for the night. It will just save you the trouble in upcoming years.

Wear a Disguise

Even if parents decide to call the police on you, it might be alright if nobody figures out who you are in the end. Don’t quote me on that. Regardless, you are supposed to be wearing a costume already, so you might as well go all the way with it.

Explain You Are Horribly Disturbed & Just Play Along

Let’s be honest. Nobody wants to ask the awkward questions about life, and so they probably won’t ask them anyway. Besides, people can be nice about things if you are upfront about things.

Imply You Are Collecting Candy For Charity

Either way, explain that it’s for charity or for a sick child at home. Just make sure you do it quick enough so people don’t wonder why you don’t just buy the candy yourself. If they do ask you about this, just say your kid is watching you from a window and wants things to be authentic.

Be Honest

Honestly, I’m not sure how different this idea is from the “Horribly Disturbed” explanation, either. For bonus points, go as Pinnochio.