Well, I’m perved out. Listen, all you thieves out there, if you’re ever going to rob me, please just do it. Take my sh*t and go. All you’re gonna find is a Playstation 4,a couple of Batman comics, a dirty bong and a 32-inch TV. Seriously you can have it. But whatever you do, please don’t go all Paranormal Activity on me and watch me while I sleep. That’s something you just can’t wash off, ya know? You’ll f*ck with my sleeping pattern, and that’s truly a crime worse than burglary.
Jordan Buranskas (who’s pretty hot, by the way) and boyfriend Jack Mackercher were asleep on their couch when a burglar got in through an upstairs window. However, instead of just robbing them like a normal a**hole would, he went the pervy a**hole route and watched them while they slept. Not only that, this MF was moving so slowly, so quietly, he didn’t even wake the two dogs sleeping at the couple’s feet. Anyone who’s ever, well, encountered a dog in their lives knows how difficult it is to not get their attention.
When the couple woke up, they had no idea anything had happened, until Buranskas couldn’t find her purse. Her boyfriend then checked the security camera footage that they use to watch their dogs, where he realized that they had been robbed by a grade-A, varsity level creeper.
Jordan and Jack are trying to rationalize it to themselves by saying the dude was actually watching Mr. Robot, and not watching them sleep. They say it’s cause he left right after the episode ended. I have a couple of thoughts on this theory, best explained in bullet points:
- Look, Mr. Robot is a good show, but come on, you think this robber just thought to himself, ‘Wait, time out, gotta catch the end of Mr. Robot before I get outta here?’. Sorry, no way.
- AND even if that was his thinking, the problem is still the same: the dude was in your house while you were sleeping. And not only that, but he’s such a sociopath that he just had to catch the end of Mr. Robot.
- Finally, you people have f”*cking security cameras for your dogs, but no alarm for intruders? Come on.
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Jack told ABC 7:
‘I’m like, “Why are you at the top of the stairs wearing a white hoodie before we went to bed?” She’s like, “I wasn’t at the top of the stairs.” ‘So that’s when you go flush and start to freak out a little bit.’
According to Jordan:
“He stood there for about 5 minutes the first time then walked away, then came back and hovered over us again for another 5 minutes.”
The suspect has been nicknamed “The Creeper Ghost” (A1 nickname, whoever thought of that. Props.), who’s apparently responsible for robberies in the neighborhood. Hopefully they catch this dude because not only is he a criminal, but he’s a majorrrrrr weirdo.
Oh, and if you’re a freak like the Creeper Ghost, and are into this sort of thing, here’s the unedited security footage of him being a psycho.
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