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While The Rest Of America Is Freezing To Death, Florida Is Experiencing Record Highs


Temperatures in South Florida soared to record highs this week with certain areas clearing 80 degrees Fahrenheit. In other words, f*ck Florida. While they’re down drinking margaritas, I can’t piss out bedroom window without it freezing on it’s way down.

According to the Daily Mail, University of Miami tropical weather expert Brian McNoldy said the atypical temperatures were due to confluence of warm weather fronts. I have literally zero idea what that means, but if you’re one of them science nerds, here you go.

Hell, even Hawaii got snow this last week, as the summits of volcanoes Mauna Kea and Mauna Loa got some powder on Sunday and Monday. Hawaii, America’s Honeymoon Destination, is getting snow, but Florida, The Russia of America, is just chilling? Unacceptable.

And when I say freezing to death, I don’t mean that in jest. Chicago was so cold on Monday (minus 6 degrees, minus 20 wind chill) that it was actually four degrees colder in the Windy City than it was on Mars.

And then there’s Florida. Screw Florida.

  • COED Writer
    A New Jersey native & Rutgers University graduate who firmly believes it's better to be lucky than good. My goal in life is to one day write a Batman screenplay. You can probably find me somewhere cooking either too little or too much pasta. contact me -