I’m not one to gloat about any of my accomplishments, but holy shit were my NBA picks last week good. Came out of the gates scorching hot by going 4-1 with picks in the first week of the NBA season, no big deal or anything. Do I think this success is going to last? You’re goddamn right I do. I’m having a winning season and there’s nothing that the oddsmakers in Vegas can do about it. I may have missed my Lock of the Week last week, but if you think that’s going to stop me from picking against the Nets for the rest of the season then you don’t even deserve my winning picks. And a big shout out to the Cubs for winning the World Series, because I now no longer have to hear all of Cleveland’s dumb ass 3-1 Warriors jokes, thanks to Chicago. So on to the second week of the NBA we go, here are this week’s winners:
Bulls -6.5 vs Knicks
Wait, the Knicks stink because they’re underutilizing Kristaps Porzingis due to 100 shots a game (I may have made that number up) between Carmelo Anthony and Derrick Rose? I’m stunned… NOT. The Bulls, on the other hand, have gotten off to a nice little 3-1 start on the season, and I expect them to take care of business tonight. I could give a shit that it’s Derrick Rose’s return to Chicago and he’ll want to have a big game, the Knicks suck and they’re going to suck for the rest of my life, or until James Dolan gets hit by a bus.
Clippers -5.5 @ Grizzlies
I’m very open about how I think the Clippers are a bunch of frauds who are never going to win a championship, and that Doc Rivers is an overrated coach who gets way more praise than he deserves. Now that I got that off my chest, I’m still taking the Clippers tonight because I think Grizzlies rely too much on their big men, and the NBA is all about perimeter play now. Still love the Grizzlies Grit and Grind nickname/mentality, but the Clippers are the play tonight.
Spurs -4 @ Jazz
I don’t buy the hype with the Jazz and I’ll never buy the hype with the Jazz, so get the hell out of my face with all of this Jazz hype. As I’ve learned throughout the years that if you ever need an NBA team to get you out of a gambling hole, just go with the Spurs because they’re awesome and were put on this Earth to win NBA Championships and bail out gamblers. Go Spurs Go.
Trailblazers @ Mavericks OVER 206
I went with Mavs under last Friday as one of my picks, which was a winner for all those wondering, so I’m switching it up this week and going with a Mavs over. I like to add one over/under as one of my picks, and this one feels good. Expect big games from Dirk and Damian Lillard to help secure this over, and because they’re both awesome. POINTS POINTS POINTS.
Hornets -6 @ Nets: Lock of the Week
Fuck the Nets. I don’t care that betting against them was my only loss last week, they suck and I’ll go against them as my Lock of the Week for the rest of the season just to prove my point. Plus, Michael Jordan owns the Hornets and he’s the best basketball player of all time, so there’s literally no chance he loses to the godforsaken Nets.
4-1 the first week of the season with another group of winning picks this week. I’m looking to bankrupt everyone’s bookies this season with these picks, so let’s stay hot and keep the winners coming.
Record on the Year: 4-1
Locks of the Week: 0-1