Get Rich Quick With Our Gambler’s Guide to the NFL: Week 9

After a losing week in Week 7, I corrected some of the mental errors and went 3-2 last week; way to recover Connor, you magnificent bastard. I may have missed my Lock of the Week, but shit happens and we’ll clean it up going forward. Now, I’ve been pretty negative about betting on the NFL this year, but that changes today, only positive vibes going forward. I don’t just like the games on Sunday, I love them almost as much as I love my own family. Me not going at least 3-2 this week would be the biggest upset since Shane Falco and the Washington Sentinels took down Dallas to clinch a playoff birth back in 2000 (still the best football movie of all time). Enough with the chitchat, let’s get going with the picks:

Connor’s Picks

Cowboys -7 @ Browns : Lock of the Week

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The Cowboys are really good and the Browns suck, that’s pretty much all you need to know about this game. I will say that if the Browns somehow won this game, it would totally be worth losing money because it would be hilarious and fuck the Cowboys always and forever. I’m still making this my Lock of the Week because the Browns are that bad. 0-16 here we come!

Eagles +2 @ Giants

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I hope I’m wrong about this because I love the Giants and hate the Eagles, but the Giants are pretty terrible at home and the Eagles have owned them over the past few years. I know Philly is coming off a tough loss to the Cowboys last week (a game I predicted correctly last week, shout out to me), but I think they’ll bounce back in a big way. I also see this being one of those Eli Manning games where he throws four interceptions and I want to throw the remote through my television. If I’m wrong that’d be pretty sweet, because then it would be good for the Giants playoff push, so I’m going with the win-win situation for myself.

Lions +5.5 @ Vikings

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Is this my best pick? Probably not, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be a winner. The Lions are one of the hardest teams to bet on due to their inconsistency and because they’re the Lions, but I’m rolling with them this week. Minnesota is a very good home team, but they’ve been playing like shit the past two weeks. Their offensive line sucks, but even then it turns out Sam Bradford might not be that good. I don’t think they’ll lose, but with how bad they’ve been playing as of late, I think this is going to be a field goal game.

Panthers -3 @ Rams

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The Panthers have been pretty terrible this year, but the Rams have been worse, so I’m choosing the lesser of two shitty teams. The Panthers at least have the potential to be good as they’ve proven last year, so maybe I’m stuck in the past, but Case Keenum is the Rams’ present quarterback, and that guy sucks ass. I’ll also admit that another reason why I’m going with Carolina is because they were one of my winners last week, and I feel that this is an appropriate way to reward them for their efforts, regardless of how big of a whiny bitch Cam Newton is being.

Colts + 7.5 @ Packers

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If it wasn’t for Andrew Luck, the Colts would be as bad as the Browns, but fortunately for them, he’s on their team. While I don’t think that they win this game, Green Bay hasn’t been great this year, and haven’t played as well at home as they have in years past. I also think that Luck will be able to put up some numbers against the Packers’ not so great secondary, so if you wanted to bet the over as well that’s also not a bad pick. If I am wrong about this game, hopefully it’s because Aaron Rodgers throws for six touchdowns and not only gets the Packers a win but more importantly gets my fantasy team a win.

Five picks, five winners. Okay, I may not go 5-0, but at the bare minimum, I’m going 3-2. Last week was the start of my resurgence on the NFL season, so let’s keep this train rolling. My bookie is going to shit his pants come Sunday when he sees how good these picks are #PrayForMyBookie.

Record on the Season (started in Week 6): 7-7-1

Locks of the Week: 1-2

Eric’s Picks

So do y’all trust me yet? I went 3-1 in my opening week. Sure, I may have steered you wrong with my Lions lock of the week, but at least now I know the Lions have the Saints syndrome, which means they absolutely blow on the road against the spread. Won’t make that mistake again.

I’m with Connor on the Cowboys & Panthers. Now let’s get to it.

Chargers -5 vs. Tennessee Titans

The Chargers are the best bad team maybe in the history of the NFL, and the Titans are maybe the worst 4-4 team in history. Forget that game last week against the legitimately pitiful Jaguars, the Titans can’t score, and the Chargers can. I like the Chargers to cover at home.

Lock of the Week: Saints -4.5 @ San Fransisco

I know I just said not to bet the Saints on the road, but playing against the Colin Kaepernick led 49ers have to be an exception. The 49ers are one of the worst 2 or 3 teams in the league, and Drew Brees is still Drew Brees, so I got roll with NOLA.

So we got the Cowboys, Panthers, Chargers, and Saints. You can thank me next week.

Last Week: 3-1

Overall: 3-1

Lock of the Week: 0-1

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