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Today Is Apparently ‘National No Beard Day’ And Ron Swanson Is Ashamed


National No Beard Day meme Ron Swanson

Who invents these bullshit holidays? Is it the same person that names nail polish colors? Or maybe it’s the people who invent movie slogans?

So, yeah, today is National No Beard Day, and I’ve never been more ashamed to be an American man. Growing facial hair (if you’re lucky enough to be able to) is essentially your right of passage as a man. It speaks to who you are inside, your character. Don’t listen to f*cking Hallmark. They’re making shady back door deals with the big razor companies to get you to buy more overpriced razors. Stay woke. Besides, ask 10 girls if they prefer facial hair or a clean shaven face, and I’m gonna bet you at least seven of them prefer the scruff.

I have the furthest thing from a 10/10 beard, but you will NEVER see my face clean shaven. The only time a clean shaven face is acceptable is if you’re going to court or a job interview. That’s it. Just ask our boy Wyatt. He asked me last week if he should shave his face for his engagement photos, and I nearly laughed him out of the office. He kept the beard.

Men: if you can, wear your beards long and proud. Our ancestors didn’t fight for our freedom so you can be forced to shave by THE MAN. This is America.

  • COED Writer
    A New Jersey native & Rutgers University graduate who firmly believes it's better to be lucky than good. My goal in life is to one day write a Batman screenplay. You can probably find me somewhere cooking either too little or too much pasta. contact me -