Florida Man Shot Wife In Butt After She Wouldn’t Consummate Marriage

The Smoking Gun

The Smoking Gun

Florida man Donald Royce may be 76-years-old, but this dude still likes to get it in. After being with his 62-year-old wife for six months, she was still not letting him get his rocks off. On Friday, February 3, Royce’s blue balls finally reached Code Red levels.

Via The Smoking Gun, here’s how everything went down.

Royce “explained that they have been married since August and together they have not consummated their marriage,” according to a probable cause statement prepared by a police detective. “Donald became violently angry tonight due to his requesting sex with his wife and her refusing.”

During questioning by cops, Royce said that he had been arguing with his wife about their sleeping arrangements when he decided to fire into the bed to scare her. But Royce said he missed the mattress, instead striking the victim in the hip and buttocks.

“Donald then stated he only wanted to shoot the mattress but was upset when he realized he had shot his wife,” an investigator noted. When sheriff’s deputies first arrived at his home, Royce declared, “I shot her and the gun is in my room.”

Is his wife still entitled to that million dollars even if it was an accident?

Royce’s wife was taken to the hospital, and thankfully, she avoided serious injury. She was treated and released, while Royce is currently being held at the Lee County jail. He’s being charged with felony domestic violence, which seems pretty harsh to me. Being married for six goddamn months and not getting to have sex once seems like the definition of torture.

You can’t lock down a wild stallion like my man Donny, then just refuse to let him beat them cheeks. He bought the cow, so it’s his right to get that milk on the reg. I’m pretty sure that’s even in the wedding vows, right after that boring “to have and to hold” nonsense. If anything, this old bag should be thrown in the slammer for gross penile neglect.

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    Toby HastyCOED Writer
    Towson University graduate, Maryland resident, chicken parm connoisseur, and "Gin and Juice" karaoke performer. Follow me on Twitter for frequent complaining and Chappelle's Show quotes.
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