Congratulations! If you’re reading this, you’ve recently gained admittance into some university and are on your way to making the next 4 years the most memorable ones of your life. Of course, your College experience wouldn’t be complete without a crappy freshman dorm in desperate need of aesthetic repair.
Speaking from experience, I’m guessing you’re probably equipped with a 400 square foot hollow cinderblock living space with one window looking out on a beautiful brick wall, a suspicious mattress, and a spring bed frame that you have already stubbed your toe on. Not a lot to work with? Think again! Your situation is about to get a whole lot better with this brief guide on how to give your new home a complete makeover. I can’t help with the thin wall situation, sadly. Maybe wear earplugs?
After you introduce yourself to your roommate and diagnose his/her personality in the first 15 seconds, unpack your bags and literally draw a line in the sand between you and your living partner. This will serve as the undisputed No Man’s Land if/when you and your roomie argue over space. Masking tape or Sharpie marker will do fine.
Next, hang up any Pulp Fiction posters you have as soon as possible. It doesn’t matter if you’ve seen the movie or not. If you don’t have a Pulp Fiction poster on hand, Godfather posters can act as a substitute until you find a Pulp Fiction poster. Again, it doesn’t matter if you’ve seen the movie.
Make sure your window sill is cleaned off so you can start creating a “shrine” or “trophy case” for all your empty bottles of alcohol. After all, everyone knows that the guy with the most empty bottles of booze is the coolest guy on campus, that’s just science. This will be really funny for like two months until you realize everyone else did the same thing with the same name. There is no 5¢ cash back on Jack Daniels handles, but the memories are priceless.
Speaking of alcohol and as a side note, your school’s graduation requirements probably include some ordinance for you to make at least one toast saying, “To the nights we won’t remember, and the years we’ll never forget,” so you might as well get that out of the way sooner rather than later (It’s a really bad look to say that after sophomore year).
If your walls aren’t covered with Pulp Fiction or Godfather posters, go to your school store and purchase a college pennant flag. Hang it askew near your bed. School Spirit!
If you’re a girl, pay close attention to this section. IT IS VERY IMPORTANT. Use the 200 or so dollars you earned from working as a waitress over the summer to buy some sort of tapestry and Christmas style lights. Both of these things will fall down literally once a day but that’s just part of the fun, ya’ gotta’ get used to that. After you hang those things up in any orientation you wish, get some wooden clothes pins and clip polaroids of new and old friends to the Christmas lights.
If you’re a guy, pay close attention to this section. IT IS VERY IMPORTANT.Develop some borderline unhealthy devotion to any sports team of your choice if you don’t have one already. Use the 200 or so dollars you earned from painting houses over the summer to buy a jersey. Hang the jersey from that sports team up on your wall. Only wear the jersey over a hoodie or long sleeve shirt when going to parties.
Lastly, but probably most importantly, your roommate should already have an acoustic guitar, but if they don’t, drop everything you’re doing and go get one. This series will teach you everything you need to know about the guitar. Have fun in college!