— Russell Wilson (@DangeRussWilson) February 22, 2018
Okay, this video leads me to one of two conclusions about Ciara:
–Either A): she’s an alien.
–or B): Future played her ass so bad that she promised herself she’d find the biggest f*cking goober on Earth on marry him to avoid any potentinal heartbreak.
Those are the only two explanations I could come up with as to why a world-class smoke like Ciara could end up with the football player equivalent of the new boyfriend from Liar Liar.
This video almost comes across as intentional deadpan humor, that’s how truly cringeworthy it is. Like Russell Wilson woke up, looked himself in the mirror and said: “You know what I’m going to do today? I’m going to take my awkwardness and turn that shit up to 1000 in a Twitter video to the Yankees! That’ll get the haters going!” And then proceeded to execute that plan perfectly.
*awkwardly smiling into the camera while not speaking as the video begins*:Twitter
“Hey … hey uh Aaron Judge, I know you wanna throw some balls, uh, passes, so let let’s uh play some ball and we’ll see we’ll have a little homerun derby too.”Twitter
“Stanton I’m coming for you too we’ll have some fun baby.”Twitter
“And hey let’s go win a World Series, why not? Peeeeaccee.”Twitter
The only problem with that theory is you know his corndog ass isn’t trying to mess with anyone — he’s just genuinely the world’s biggest dweeb who lucked out into being a handsome, freak athlete. He’s essentially a football playing-George Michael Bluth.
So to all the Russell Wilson haters out there, chalk today up as yet another victory, because you’ve probably earned yourself a swath of new teammates thanks to one 24-second Twitter video from the King of Cornballs himself.