Ah, the art of the scolding hot sports takes — what a true gift to mankind.
Skip Bayless somehow comparing anthem protests to Tim Tebow’s run with the 2011 Broncos. Stephen A. Smith wondering if referees’ black and white uniforms are actually a subtle social commentary about race in this nation. Jim Rome literally getting assaulted. All of these glorious moments, both real and fake (Jim Rome literally got beat up), are a result of sports takes.
Except, as we all know too well, far too often ludicrous sports takes (and takes in general) go unpunished and unchecked. Perfect example: a couple of weeks ago, John McAfee (the dude who made McAfee anti-virus) literally said he would eat his DICK (his DICK!!!) if Bitcoin didn’t hit $1 million by 2020. And why was he able to stake such a preposterous claim? Because no one would hold him accountable if he didn’t follow through, and frankly, no one would have the right too, as we’ve all backed out of prior proclamations in one way or another (“Sure, let’s TOTALLY chill next weekend”)
When I predicted Bitcoin at $500,000 by the end of 2020, it used a model that predicted $5,000 at the end of 2017. BTC has accelerated much faster than my model assumptions. I now predict Bircoin at $1 million by the end of 2020. I will still eat my dick if wrong. pic.twitter.com/WVx3E71nyD
— John McAfee (@officialmcafee) November 29, 2017
Well, internet, it appears that we have found our White Knight — it appears that we have found a man who sticks to his word.
Andrew Stephens, the creator of Armchair All-Americans, said prior to the 2017 college football season that he would “eat his phone” if the Georgia Bulldogs earned a berth to the college football playoff. Fast forward 4 months, 12 wins, and one SEC Championship later, and those very Georgia Bulldogs find themselves as the #3 seed in said playoff.
Now, a lesser man would have buried this hot garbage take, acting like it never happened and hoping the internet forgot. But not Andrew — Andrew stepped up to the plate to not only eat his damn phone (which, true story, I once drunkenly bit into my iPhone in college & it was NOT fun) but made a wildly hilarious video in the process, going all Food Network on his Apple technology.
So stand up and take a bow, Andrew, because you are what few people are in this world — a man of his word. Are your college football takes maybbeeee a little too hot for your own good? Probably, but dammit, we respect it.