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All Hell Breaks Loose At Disastrous Fyre Festival In Bahamas

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Fyre Festival’s YouTube

The Fyre Festival was supposed to be the music event of a lifetime. Awesome bands, extravagant accommodations, gourmet food, and everything else you could ever want at a music festival all while taking place on the beaches of Exuma, Bahamas. We’re talking first class all of the way, as the tickets cost anywhere from $4,000 to $12,000 and included a chartered flight from Miami.

Just look at this promotional video for the Fyre Festival. It looks like I died and went to a heaven filled with killer tunes, crystal clear water, and Emily Ratajkowski’s fine ass.

But in the words of Lee Corso, “Not so fast, my friends.” Instead of arriving at a tropical paradise, concert goers walked right into a living hell. Here’s a description of the scene from Consequence of Sound, accompanied by some photos and videos of the chaos.

According to reports on reddit and Twitter, the festival grounds were littered with half-built tents and mountains of trash. Catered meals were nothing more than a slice of bread and cheese, with a salad garnish for good measure. As night fell, the situation became even more chaotic, as festival staff and security were nowhere to be found. Luggage was thrown out of the back of a truck to an awaiting mob. There were reports of feral dogs running loose through the festival grounds, and some attendees allege to have gotten into verbal and physical confrontations with locals. All the while, flights to the island have been canceled.

What a goddamn swindling. And guess who was behind the music festival heist of the century? Ja F*cking Rule. That’s right, the guy who soundtracked your middle school dances teamed up with entrepreneur Billy McFarland and some other slicksters to rob kids out of their parents’ hard-earned money. I want to be mad, but this whole ordeal has produced so much Twitter gold that I’m cackling like a hyena.

Acts such as Blink-182, Pusha-T, Migos, Disclosure, and Major Lazer were scheduled to perform, but that is no longer happening. The entire event has been cancelled, closing the books on the shortest music festival of all-time.

R.I.P., Fyre Festival. It’s better to burn out than to fade away.

COED Writer
Towson University graduate, Maryland resident, chicken parm connoisseur, and "Gin and Juice" karaoke performer. Follow me on Twitter for frequent complaining and Chappelle's Show quotes.