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ISIS Continues To Prove They’re Giant Cowards, Call In Sick Because Of Headaches & Back Pain

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Luckily, this is not #FakeNews. This news is real AF and it’s ever so fitting. In case you haven’t heard, there’s this group called ISIS that’s entirely made up of epic pussies. Are American soldiers even allowed to call in sick? I’d have to talk to one of my Marine friends, but I’d imagine if an American tried to bail on work because of a headache, he’d be taught by his superior what a headache actually is. No wonder these motherf*ckers don’t want to square up with us, half of them fold after they sleep on the wrong side of the bed.

Via Fox News:

Headaches, bad backs and general malaise are plaguing the ranks of ISIS, with jihadists calling out sick from the fight to save their caliphate, according to a report.

Foreign fighters in particular seem to be going soft in the face of an offensive led by the Iraqi national military, Kurdish fighters and international forces. Documents discovered in recently liberated sections of Mosul show how the fair-weather jihadists go to great lengths to get out of combat.

The Washington Post reported that Iraqi forces who took over an ISIS base in Mosul found a document lamenting 14 “problem” fighters from the Tariq Bin Ziyad battalion. On the surface, reports that militants are on the ropes in former stronghold cities appears to be a good thing, but some disenfranchised members may work their way back to Europe.

Another man from Kosovo complained of a headache. A Belgian militant got out of fighting by offering a doctor’s note saying he had back pain.

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  • COED Writer
    A New Jersey native & Rutgers University graduate who firmly believes it's better to be lucky than good. My goal in life is to one day write a Batman screenplay. You can probably find me somewhere cooking either too little or too much pasta. contact me - eric.italiano@teamcoed.com
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