Psycho Knife-Wielding Lady Arrested After Slashing A Trump Sign Because It ‘Ruined Her Chill’

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This may be an unfair assumption on my part but I’m going to roll with it: women with bangs are much crazier than women without them. I cannot prove or back up this claim in any remote way, shape, or form, but sometimes you just have to go with your gut, and my gut says you’re more likely to wake up being stabbed by a banged-woman than a non-banged-woman.

Coming to you live from Big Pine Key, Florida (duh, #FloridaNewsOfTheWeek), is Elizabeth McSurdy, who was arrested Friday for slicing through a vinyl Donald Trump sign and threatening a Florida Keys shop owner while holding a knife.

Via Daily Mail:

The woman from Oakland, California, initially denied the assault accusations but eventually admitted to destroying the signage because it ‘ruined her chill’. McSurdy is facing charges of criminal mischief and aggravated assault for the incident at R&T Vinyl Signs in Big Pine Key, Florida.

Monroe police said that McSurdy threatened the store owner while clutching a knife in her hand. She then drove away after the altercation.

Someone took a photo of her car as she made her getaway, which police later used to track her down.They found the knife she allegedly used sitting in her vehicle’s glove compartment.

McSurdy admitted to slashing the sign and holding a knife, but denied that she made threats to anyone.

How one uses the phrase ‘ruined my chill’ in a real life situation, let alone when being questioned by police, is beyond me. Are you trying to come off as the world’s most stuck-up, annoying person, or are you trying to come off as an idiot?

I would use a Tomi Lahren exclusive and call her a snowflake, but this woman has a far worse problem than being overly-liberal, she’s just plain f*cking psycho. Look this woman in the eyes and tell me she doesn’t practice voodoo in her hippie van.

In Suicide Squad (quick shout out to me for being able to work a Suicide Squad reference into this article because that movie blows), one of the characters said that “maybe Superman was some kind of beacon for them to creep back from the shadows” when speaking about other super-powered individuals. I’m starting to think Trump’s presidency is sort of the same thing, except instead of us discovering more awesome superheroes, they’re just psychopaths.

COED Writer
COED Writer
A New Jersey native & Rutgers University graduate who firmly believes it's better to be lucky than good. My goal in life is to one day write a Batman screenplay. You can probably find me somewhere cooking either too little or too much pasta. contact me - eric.italiano@teamcoed.com