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The Many Dumb Faces Of Eli Manning: A 2016 Retrospective


via Getty

The New York Giants got drubbed by the Green Bay Packers 38-13 in the NFC Wildcard game this weekend, bringing the NFL season to an end in New York City. Now, New Yorkers face the grim task of being stuck with the Knicks, Nets, and hockey for the next six weeks until pitchers and catchers report for the Mets and Yankees. And even then, all anyone will be talking about is how fat Matt Harvey is becoming or how many years it is until Bryce Harper is wearing pinstripes.

Now that winter has officially arrived and football is no longer a part of our lives, a certain post-NFL depression sets in. But the most depressing part of the Giants losing isn’t football being finished in New York until September or the fact that the Patriots are probably going to win the Super Bowl or even the fact that the Jets are unfortunately returning next year. No, the most depressing part is that we have to go eight long months without Eli Manning’s face.

Eli Manning suffers from a crippling affliction known as simply as  ‘dumbface.’ If you’re not familiar with ‘dumbface’ and the pitfalls that it entails, cue up “In The Arms Of An Angel” and check out the official definition:

A harrowing disease indeed. However, in typical Eli fashion, what would be a crutch for most is actually a strength of his. You see, for what Eli lacks in charisma, emotion, and general personality, he makes up for in facial expression. You can figure out exactly what’s on Eli’s mind just by looking at the guy. It’s what makes Eli, Eli. No matter the situation, whether down in the fourth quarter of a Super Bowl or up by a touchdown in a September game against the Browns, Eli Manning’s frankly stupid face is going to remain the same.

And that’s why New Yorkers love him. He may be a middling, dumbface-afflicted quarterback, but he’s OUR dumbfaced quarterback.

  • COED Writer
    A New Jersey native & Rutgers University graduate who firmly believes it's better to be lucky than good. My goal in life is to one day write a Batman screenplay. You can probably find me somewhere cooking either too little or too much pasta. contact me -