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Of All The Years For The Third Party Candidate To Be A Complete Goon, It Just HAD To Be This Year

(Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images)

(Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images)

No matter what political party you align yourself¬†with (unless you’re like the .5% of people who are libertarian), I think we can all agree that Gary Johnson’s presidential campaign thus far has been pretty goddamn hilarious. I’m sure by now you’re well aware of his whole ‘What is Aleppo?‘ fiasco. We also all remember how he couldn’t name a single world leader who he respected (shit man, that Canadian guy Justin Trudeau just got elected last year, even I know that, just blurt something out), which, for a guy who’s applying for a job to deal with world leaders, is pretty pitiful. But since these moments have been played and replayed on every major media channel hundred of times, there’s no need to relive it any further. We’re gonna laugh at everything else. Americans could use a good laugh these days anyway.

Gary Johnson is a dude who wants to straight up ax the Department of Education, Department of Commerce, and Department of Housing and Urban Development. This is a dude who’s worn a yellow tie more than once in his life (see LIT gallery below). This is a dude who’s using the hashtag #LetGaryDebate. I don’t know about you, but that’s about the most depressing hashtag I’ve ever seen. This is a dude whose climate plan is to¬†“grow and encompass the Earth.” That’s it, that’s his plan. That’s like me showing up for work today and my boss asks me, “Hey, Eric, what are you going to write today?” and I respond by saying, “Words.”

Point being is that, in an election that’s already been an off-the-rail train that crashed into a dumpster fire, this was maybe the ONE year that a third-party candidate could somehow (maybe barely but not really) slip through, and we got this dude. Honestly, at this point, I’m just going to kick back, relax, and enjoy watching the world burn.

(The Gary Johnson segment starts at the 10:00 mark, but seeing Oliver rip Jill Stein is pretty entertaining too):

  • COED Writer
    A New Jersey native & Rutgers University graduate who firmly believes it's better to be lucky than good. My goal in life is to one day write a Batman screenplay. You can probably find me somewhere cooking either too little or too much pasta. contact me -