Neymar Is About To Launch A Music Career Even Though His Music Sounds Like It Could Be Used To Torture Terrorists At Guantanomo

Dear God, man. This is the problem with these overseas soccer stars: they’re treated like demigods and no one says ‘no’ to them. This may be the most egregious ‘yes man’ situation ever because Neymar‘s singing skills are BRUTAL. I remember that a couple of years ago, the CIA used to use American pop songs such as “The Real Slim Shady” to torture their captives. If that’s true, put Neymar’s music at the top of the list of songs that make me want to drown myself in my own blood. Dear f*cking god man.

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