I’m sitting on the couch with my roommate last night after crushing a couple beers and a sub from the local spot. The Steelers waxing of the LOLSkins was coming to an end, and the JV scrimmage that was the Niners and Rams had yet to begin. Most unlucky bros would just put their heads down and watch the rest of the Steelers game, scrolling through Snapchat, whatever, but last night, we were lucky, bro. Last night, Marshawn Lynch was on NBC’s Running Wild With Bear Grylls.
So we’re sitting on the couch, watching the end of the Pittsburgh game, talking fantasy. ‘Brown is unstoppable,’ ‘Washington players are undraftable,’ etc. Then, at what one could only consider the perfect moment, my roommate gets a text: “Marshawn in the forest with Bear Grylls. NBC right now.” Before my buddy was able to finish reading ‘Marshawn in the wild’ aloud, I was already changing the channel.
We caught it right at the beginning. Luckily for all of you, I was documenting the momentous occasion on Snapchat (@ericitaliano):
“What was I thinking?” I mean, obviously, he was thinking he could handle this. That was until Bear F*CKING Grylls showed up riding literally outside of a helicopter. Yeah, he was strapped in or whatever, but he was just flailing his arms around, screwin’ around like his life wasn’t in serious danger. Once Lynch saw this, he knew he was f*cked. Grylls strapped him up to the chopper, and the show got rolling:
Once the chopper lands, Grylls lets Lynch know that their first task is to find dinner. Marshawn recapped as follows:
This is where sh*t starts to get really real for our boy Beast Mode. They chase the hog around for a bit, only to lose it. However, the reason they lost it is because the boar or pig or whatever literally ran itself off a cliff, conveniently landing a couple dozen feet below. Essentially, Grylls ties Lynch to a rope and lowers him down the cliff, where Lynch then ties a rope on the hog, and Bear pulls ’em back up:
Needless to say, when Beast Mode returned, he wasn’t havin’ any of it:
‘I know you got courage and all that sh*t, but I’mma have to say what ya hands talkin’ bout.” Damn. I mean I know Bear Grylls has dealt with some pretty OD wild stuff in this day, but I don’t care what anyone says, Marshawn Lynch is terrifying.
However hey rebound, and make a fire with one of Lynch’s dreads:
Amazingly, as the show progressed, Grylls was able to get in touch with Lynch’s soft side, and show that he is rather profound :
They would eventually (obviously) make their way out of Corsican Mountains in France, only after providing the best hour of television I’ve seen all year.
Watch the full episode on NBC. It’s well worth your 42 minutes.