XHamster is having a hell of a public relations week. First, they pull the hilariously respectful move of offering Making A Murderer subject and newly free man Brendan Dassey a trip to WrestleMania 33. Now, apparently doubling down on their Internet meme charity, they have offered to relocate all of the remaining Cincinnati Zoo gorillas to a refuge.
An XHamster spokesman released the following statement:
“We are shocked and saddened to see what took place at the Cincinnati Zoo and in the senseless killing of Harambe the Gorilla,” said Alex Hawkins, Spokesman for XHamster.com.
“We at XHamster.com care deeply about human and animal rights. We are against beautiful creatures like Harambe being held in captivity and the senseless killing of this beautiful creature is unacceptable. The only way to avoid this in the future is to transfer the rest of these magnificent animals to a wildlife refuge so they can live the rest of their lives in peace.”
Well utterly hilarious, gotta admit that XHamster is a little late to the party. Those gorillas have already been under the tyrannical rule of the Cincinnati Zoo for way too long, and some experts in the field are speculating it may be too little, too late for the majestic beats.
However, for as good of a week as XHamster is having, the Cincinnati Zoo’s week has been equally bad. First, they released a downright pitiful statement regarding the fine wine that is Harambe memes. Then, they forgot to tuck their skirt in and deleted all of their social media accounts because they couldn’t handle the ridicule (which, again, wouldn’t even if exist if they didn’t slay the Cincinnati Saint). Now, an adult website has come along to kick dirt in their gaping, hemorrhaging wounds.
Will the Cincinnati Zoo ever rebound from this tragedy? Honestly, at this stage, it ain’t lookin’ too good.