A lot of people are hating on Ryan Lochte these days, and rightfully so. The dude royally f*cked up. With one lie, he embarrassed his country, distracted from the glory of the Olympics, offended Rio, got his buddies detained, and lost himself a million bucks. All because he lied to his mom. I, however, love Ryan Lochte. He reminds me of a better looking Forrest Gump, only marginally smarter and not as successful.
After blowing up his image – and some of his bank account – in Rio, Lochte needs a comeback and quick. In come two uniquely interesting yet oddly perfect options.
First, according to Metro, Lochte has a sponsorship offer from Brian Sloan, the man behind the Autoblow2+ blowjob robot. Yes, you read that correctly -THE Autoblow2+ robot, one of THE premiere auto blow robots on the market. Sloan reportedly offered Lochte a cool $10k to pose with the pristine product.
Then, according to USA Today, Lochte will participate in the next edition of ABC’s Dancing with the Stars. And honestly, I don’t think there’s a better option for him than DWTS. DWTS is a haven for C-list celebrities who need to rehabilitate their image while making a little dough. The 23rd season of the show premieres on September 12.
Even though, realistically, in four years when Locthe is racking up the gold medals, no one is gonna give a sh*t about what happened in Rio. Come to think of it, people are gonna forget by next week, anyway.
The only question is: how will Lochte do?