As we all know, there are many different avenues to success in this world. There are also many different definitions of “success” in this world. Some people want 14 bedrooms and two girlfriends, others want one wife and a tiny apartment. Some people work hard– the true grind– clocking in and out of a construction site every day, while others sit in their swank Manhattan office, robbing poor people blind. Regardless of how we get it, we all want to succeed.
The same is true for college students, especially when approaching graduation. Some kids take 3 and a half years, some take five, but most of us finish. These are the 8 types of students that somehow, someway, figure out a way to graduate.
The Natural
These students are just smart, man! There’s really no other way to put it; they just get it. They go to every class, hand assignments in early, and achieve A’s with minimal amounts of effort. They’re like the Chicago Bulls back in the ’90s – they’re better than us and there’s nothing we can do about it. When you see greatness, you must respect it.
The Miracle Worker
These student loves all-nighters. They will push everything off to last minute, yet still excel. They will binge-study for the ten hours leading up to an exam and still manage to pull off an A. And you know what the worst part about this is? They love it. They thrive off the pressure, and take pride in being a 4th quarter, take-the-last-shot, closer.
The Houdini
This is the student who somehow pulls a decent grade out of their ass after every exam. They’re the students that get a B on an exam they studied a couple of hours for, when you got a C after taking Adderall for a week straight. They find out about assignments late yet somehow turn them in early. They walk a fine line between victory and defeat, but more times than not, they figure out a way to pull it off. Even if that means pulling it out of their ass – literally.
The Burnout
This is the student who asks questions like “How much does attendance count toward our final grade?”, or “Wait, there’s a quiz today?”. They probably show up to about 50 percent of their classes, if that. However, if done right, the burnouts can still end up with the same degree as you and I.
The Tweaker
This poor student. They get WAY too hyped for exams and whatever else there is to get hyped about, and we’re not talking about the good type of hyped -we’re talking about the slightly crackheadish “I’M FREAKIN’ OUT MAN” type. These students study 3 days for a 10 question quiz. They students treat every assignment like life and death and can actually be brought to tears with a bad grade. Can you calm the f*ck down?! A B on your ceramic pot will suffice!
The Bare Minimum
This is the “C’s get degrees” student. All they care about is just getting by – no matter the method or the cost. This student has sent their professors a lot of emails over the years, asking for an extra credit assignment here and a .5% round up grade there. They use every single one of their excused absence. It might take these guys five years to finish, but somehow they manage, and make it look kind of easy while doing it.
The Hermione Granger
There are two types of overachievers. There’s the Forrest Gump, who isn’t necessarily the sharpest tool in the sandbox (that’s how that saying goes, right?), but damn do they work hard. What they lack in intelligence they make up for in pure effort. Those are the good ones. Then there are the Hermiones of the world, and they are the absolute worst. They’re smart, they work hard, and they make sure EVERYONE knows it. They condescend from the window, to the wall, till the sweat drops down their balls. Think about it: how much do you hate the people that say “Ughhh. I only got a B+.” Go away, you’re the worst. Oh yeah, they also hashtag #RiseAndGrind. A lot.
The New England Patriot
This is the student that prides themselves on their ability to find loopholes, cut corners, and most of all, cheat. They borrow study guides from other people. They ask you for the answers to the homework, every single week. They use their phone during exams. They copy off the person next to them. You name it, the New England Patriot student has probably done it.
So there you have it: all the different shapes, sizes, and colors that a college student can come in. None of them are right and none of them are wrong – whatever works best for you, we’re not judging.
What type of college student do you think you are? Or did we miss any? Let us know in the comments below.