Here’s the most horrifying news we’ve heard today: a veteran NYPD sergeant was recently suspended after allegedly flinging his ejaculate onto the leg of a female co-worker he “liked” back in January. Because there’s virtually no other way to show that kind of “like” commitment other than throwing your own bodily fluids onto the object of your affection.
Apparently Sgt. Michael Iscenko, 54, approached the female aide from behind as they were walking down the hallway.
According to the New York Daily News,
“She suddenly felt something on her leg, looked down, and said to him, ‘What are you doing?’ “ the source said of the January incident.
“The uniformed member then walked away without responding.”
The woman, whose name was not released, immediately complained to her superiors.
And then, there was this gem of a quote: “He was apparently so enamored by her that he threw semen on her.” “Enamored” is definitely one word for it.
A DNA test was done shortly after, which confirmed that the substance was, in fact, semen. Whether or not it was actually Iscenko’s is still pending. He has yet to be criminally charged.
So, a few questions for Sgt. Michael Iscenko: what the f*ck were you doing at the time? Why did you have semen already on your hand? Do you store it in jars all around the office, so when your latest love passes, you can mark them instantaneously? Has anyone ever gone for this? Because women get pretty peeved when being catcalled on the street, so I can’t imagine this ever really working out for you.
Hopefully we get these answers sooner, rather than later.