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Perfectly Normal Couple Arrested For Having Sex on Top of a Chipotle


chipotle sex couple

Is it a crime to be heterosexual now? Police in Newark, N.J. can’t address the criminals that control their city, but at least they arrested at a couple for having sex on the roof of a Chipotle restaurant.

Michael Suh and Nicole Germack’s culinary sexcapde happened last Saturday night just before the restaurant closed up for the evening. They somehow managed to get on the roof of the building and started hammering away at each other. Their lovemaking was so loud and obnoxious that several people passing by the restaurant could hear and even see them going at it. They called the police and even the responding officer was able to witness their shenanigans for his report. He ordered them to stop but just like two dogs in heat, they refused to stop. Eventually they gathered up their belongings and tried to flee the scene to Suh’s apartment where police arrested the pair of them. We don’t know if they confessed to their alleged crimes but we’re sure that just like a person who eats at Chipotle, Germack was disappointed by the size of what was being offered to her.

Suh and Germack each face charges of resisting arrest, public lewdness, indecent exposure, loitering and conspiracy. They were each released on a $1,800 bond. Is this really the most pressing incident in the Newark PD’s caseload? Newark is one of the 10 most dangerous cities in the nation, but we’re sure that the residents can sleep well knowing that they won’t have to face the horror of witnesses a pair of exhibitionists having sex on top of a fast food restaurant.

  • COED Writer
    I'm human. I swear.