Celebrate Poetry Day With Dirty Limericks Worthy Of Nantucket

May 31st is Poetry Day–or at least it’s a poetry day. The idea is to celebrate the birth of poet Walt Whitman, and there are American Greetings cards that say May 31st is Poetry Day, so that has to be right.  [photo via…]
Anyway, we shouldn’t forget all of the great things that poetry has given us. There’s the ability to score with chicks just by memorizing a few rhyming couplets. Don’t forget the awful Vogon poetry that geeks know as one of the centerpiece jokes of Douglas Adams’ immortal Hitchhiker’s Guide series. And of course, there is the dirty limerick.
While the dirty limerick is something of a lost art in this age of 140 characters, there is a real art to constructing a perfect A-A-B-B-A piece. There are old standbys like this gem from 1927 (let that sink in as you’re reading it)…

There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose d**k was so long he could suck it.
And he said with a grin
As he wiped off his chin,
“If my ear were a c**t, I would f**k it.”

Then there are the more suggestive ones, such as…

There was a young lady named Claire
Who possessed a magnificent pair;
Or that’s what I thought
‘Til I saw one get caught
On a thorn, and begin to lose air.

Or….

There was a young man from Brighton
Who thought he’d at last found a tight ‘un.
He said, “Oh my love,
It fits like a glove.”
Said she, “But you’re not in the right ‘un.”

Or maybe you like your limericks with a hint of the morbid…

There once was a hermit named Dave
Who kept a dead whore in his cave
She was missing a t*it
And she smelled like s**t
But think of the money he saved

Furthermore…

The sea captain’s tender young bride
Fell into the bay at low tide;
You could tell by her squeals,
That some of the eels,
Had discovered a dark place to hide

And let’s close with some that are just so clever, you can’t help but marvel at whomever thought them up. Enjoy these gems, and then go out beneath a tree and ponder some verses yourself…

A mathematician named Hall
Has a hexahedronical ball,
And the cube of its weight
Times his pecker, plus eight,
Is his phone number–give him a call.

The Pious Mahatma Gandhi
Awoke one morn with a dandy
He exclaimed to an aide,
Go get me a maid
Or a goat, or anything handy