Ah, hangovers: proof that God really does have a twisted sense of ironic humor.
Just like most things in life, every alcohol-related action has a reaction. Want to cut loose and dance like no ones watching? Fine, but be prepared to feel like death might be a better option the next day. Love the taste of whiskey? That’s cool — drink too much and you’ll puke it all back out. Finally bag that girl you’ve been trying to get with for 2 months? Well, guess what, alcohol will probably wipe out your entire memory of it.
Man’s relationship with alcohol, and therefore hangovers, is a long and complicated one. However, while all men may be created equal, all hangovers are not. Some are headaches that last half the day, some are stomach bugs that last an hour or two.
But some hangovers — they pop up about four or five times a year — qualify in their own class. We’ve all had them, too: whether it be because of a birthday or a holiday, these are the worst hangovers of the year.
4. The Day after Memorial Day Weekend
For many people, Memorial Day Weekend marks the beginning of summer, and with that, comes the celebration of the fact that the glorious sun has returned to our lives.
But by Tuesday — after three straight days of sun and beer — your body reminds you why it’s probably a good thing that summer isn’t a year-round season.
3. July 5th
The biggest problem with July 4th is, well, July 5th. Sometimes, we’ll get lucky and July 4th will fall on a Friday or Saturday, but for those other 5 out of 7 years, most of us have to get up and go to work the next morning.
The second biggest problem is that July 4th, more times than not, is a day-drinking affair. And the longer you drink, the longer the hangover … it’s simple science.
2. Thanksgiving Day
Wooof, the Thanksgiving Day hangover.
As we all know, Thanksgiving Eve is the “biggest DUI/drinking night of the year” (at least this is what people tell me), and there’s a reason it has that reputation.
Thanksgiving Eve is about seeing old friends and partying in your old hometown, and because of that, things can get pretty out of hand pretty quickly. It’s funny how the brain works, take a couple of shots and reminisce about old times, and suddenly you’ll be drinking like your 17 again.
But unlike when you were a teenager who “never got hungover” (we all have said that at some point in our lives), the hangover is very real this time around
1. The Day After Your Birthday
What else was going to take the top spot? The hangover that you get the day after your birthday is unlike any other.
First comes the pregame, where your friends (if they’re good friends) have done their best to get you as drunk as possible. Then, if you’ve somehow made it to the bar, everyone who is there that knows it’s your birthday will buy you a shot. On top of all that, it’s one of the only nights of the year you drink for free, which means nothing is off limits and everything is down the hatch.
All that said, there’s something about the birthday hangover that feels like a right of passage, a necessary evil … a part of growing up.