Warriors Championship Parade 2018: KD Disparaged, Parade MVPs, & Signature Trolling








The Golden State Warriors paraded on tour buses through downtown Oakland on Tuesday afternoon, gloating drunkenly along Lake Merritt, dragging the rest of the NBA behind them in a bodybag. The 2015, 2017, and 2018 NBA champs aren’t going anywhere any time soon, so we may as well take a moment to appreciate equally the fun and the absurd of their quintessentially Bay Area celebration.

Wait, Are They Pushing KD Out?


We’ve gotta start with some dramatic tension.
There’s a running joke that true-blue Golden State fans will never genuinely accept Kevin Durant as their own superstar, especially as long as he’s stealing Finals MVPs from Steph Curry. But this joke reached new, awkward heights yesterday when NBC Sports broadcaster Bob Fitzgerald decided to make well-deserved contracts a talking point with Kevin himself. And Steve Kerr. And GM Bob Myers. And all of Oakland.

Emceeing the pre-parade ceremony, Fitzgerald confronted Myers onstage about the fiscal promise he made Monday to KD, who hits free agency in a few weeks: “Whatever he wants. Sometimes you don’t negotiate.” But Myers and Kerr responded Tuesday with some signature dry humor — maybe a bit too dry:

Myers: Yeah, that was just for the media. He can’t have anything at all.

Kerr: Mid-level [exception]!

Fitzgerald: Last year, you told Steph he could have whatever contract he wants too!

Myers: That was different. He’s been here since the way-before days. He’s earned it.

Fitzgerald: And there ended the Warriors’ cohesion right there.

Yeah, it got laughs. But what was the point?

It didn’t end there. As Fitzgerald moved on to the Splash Brothers, he chose to stand in front of KD, reasoning, “before his Warrior exit, I wanna enjoy as much time with him as possible.” At this point, KD was visibly annoyed. Can’t blame him.

Still, the dad-joke wouldn’t die. When Fitzgerald finished up his interview with KD, he badgered on, “we want you back at any contract you would like.” If I were Kevin, I would have rolled my eyes so hard they got stuck in the back of my head. But he kept it halfway jovial, wondering, “why was that even a discussion? Why would you talk about that?”
Kevin has said on more than one occasion that he wants to play anywhere he’s “wanted”, yet the Golden State peanut gallery is doing the most to make him feel like an outsider… even though he’s literally the reason for the last two championships they’ve won. Yawn. Can we please stop treating athletes as if they’re just bundles of cash?

Swag Champ


Nick Young is enjoying his new life. He officially traded in L.A. for the Bay, Iggy Azalea for Iggy Iguodala, “Swaggy P” for “Swag Champ”. He’s abandoned the concept of shirts. He now walks around in a bath robe, equipped with an arsenal of shaken champagne bottles and unlit cigars.

Nick and his best friend JaVale shared a parade bus, but made plenty more impact at ground level where they were true men of the people.

The Swag Champ scored five total points through four Finals games, but he’s earned the metamorphosis.

Is the Rook Our New Earl?


It’s hard for NBA fans to disengage the images of J.R. Smith and a bottle of Hennessey from one another, but Warriors rookie Jordan Bell has officially challenged us. The 23-year-old may not graduate at the top of his rookie class, but he will at least have something Ben Simmons and Donovan Mitchell will spend the next few years chasing: an NBA championship. His vessel of celebration? Henny.

Champagne is for chumps. When Jordan’s fluids ran low, he crowd-sourced. Oakland was happy to share.


After getting home from Cleveland this weekend, the youngster once traded for $3.5 million in cash considerations had a message for the critics: leave me alone. Wouldn’t be surprised if those champagne goggles become a more permanent accessory.

He took some time to recuperate after the parade. Like a pro.

Draymond Doing Draymond

You had to predict Draymond would come out with a t-shirt even better than 2017’s “Quickie” after the clean sweep in Cleveland. So what does he do? Appropriates the Cavs’ layered Arthur meme into a brass — no, golden — knuckled mood.

Later, when talking with Mistah Fab, an inebriated Day Day took a shot at Tristan Thompson for being soft. Ironic, considering an ESPN story published earlier Tuesday described in detail how Draymond actually (allegedly) saved Tristan from being suspended for Game 2 of the Finals after their overtime dust-up:

NBA: What about Tristan shoving the ball in your face?
Green: Nah, it was 2.6 seconds remaining in the game. Tristan was just giving me the ball so we could get the game over with.
NBA: Are you sure there won’t be any bad blood?
Green: Man, it’s the Warriors versus the Cavaliers, not the Bloods versus the Crips.

But wouldn’t Draymond have wanted to get revenge for his own 2016 Finals suspension? Maybe it’s all a complex series of trolling: knowing Tristan wouldn’t make a difference in the outcome of the series, protecting him anyway, executing the sweep, then publicly laying into him for dropping down the toughness rankings. Draymond’s always thinking a few steps ahead.

Best Dressed


Steph isn’t normally a sartorial miracle, but he and Ayesha showed up in some gorgeous throwback shorts by a local Oakland designer. The Davidson and rookie-era Warriors shorts pay homage to Steph’s journey. His very washed accessories — two hats and Oakley-esque sunglasses — only distracted a little bit.
Also: shout-out to Ayesha for seemingly being pregnant at every championship parade.

Who Is Going To Be The #1 Pick Of The 2018 NBA Draft?
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