BYU Has Finally Started Serving Soda & The Students Can’t Contain Themselves

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You know how Florida sometimes seems like another country because of how batshit crazy it can be? I get that vibe from Utah, only on the opposite end of the spectrum — if Florida is Donald Trump, then Utah is Bernie Sanders: both totally bonkers extremes on other sides of the spectrum.

For example, it wouldn’t surprise me if there was a Floridian who was able to piss actual soda. Is that realistic? Absolutely not. But if it were to happen anywhere, it’d be in Florida, right? Exactly.

But now we travel to the other end of the spectrum, Brigham Young University, where SODA has been banned since the 1950’s. F*cking Utah man — multiple wives but if you want even ONE of the 21 flavors in Dr. Pepper, you’re shit outta luck.

via BYU.edu:

In the mid 1950s, the director of BYU Food Services decided not to sell caffeinated soft drinks. This decision has continued on since that time. Until more recently, Dining Services rarely received requests for caffeinated soda. Consumer preferences have clearly changed and requests have become much more frequent.

We have already started adding caffeinated soft drinks to the inventory of beverages we sell on campus. Although we are now offering canned and bottled caffeinated soft drinks, it will take longer to change out our fountain equipment.

We realize that there are many choices to be made, and some are more nutritious than others. We strive to offer a variety of food choices and encourage our customers to make healthy choices. We encourage our patrons to visit the Dining Services website where a program is available to promote not only healthy eating, but also a healthy lifestyle. The program is referred to on the website as EAT: Eat, Act, Think.

This decision was not based on financial considerations. We are simply working to meet the preferences of our customers.

Naturally, the BYU students had a field day with the announcement

🎵 THE SPIRIT OF GOD LIKE A FIIIRREEE IS BURNING THE LATTEERR DAY GLOORRYYY BEGIINSS TO COME FORTH!! THE VIISIONS AND BLESSSINGS OF OLD ARE R pic.twitter.com/z5e3SFzLhd

— Kwaku (@thekwakuel) September 21, 2017

This is what happens when your football teams starts 1-3.

— SWC Round-Up (@swcroundup) September 21, 2017

“Tell us something interesting about yourself”
“I was a student at BYU when they legalized caffeine”

— Trevor Gibby (@TrevorGibby1) September 21, 2017

You had to wait until 2 days before the world is going to end?! Thanks a lot.

— Cliff Wong (@cliffwong_OC) September 21, 2017

Today is a historic day for @BYU. WE FINALLY HAVE CAFFEINATED DRINKS ON CAMPUS!!!

— Aaron Mendoza (@aaronmendoza92) September 21, 2017

THE MUSEUM STAFF CHEERED AS THEY CARRIED THE SODA IN

— 🐝Angsty Lauren🐝 (@awkwardlylauren) September 21, 2017

BYU: we're gonna sell caffeine on campus
Me: pic.twitter.com/kMVI3UOVqL

— Ryan Kerr (@rkerrtwo) September 21, 2017

drove to campus even though I’m only taking online classes this semester just to buy a historic DC pic.twitter.com/g6pZ8dEeCe

— skyler lodwig (@skyler_michele) September 21, 2017

I'm stoked I don't have to sneak in my personal-use beverages to BYU campus anymore pic.twitter.com/NoaNbdkCgD

— Dotard (@5lbtrout) September 21, 2017

pic.twitter.com/iXEBX0IWrG

— sasha sloan (@sashaesloan) September 21, 2017

What if I told you… a lifted caffeine ban could turn an entire football program around.

ESPNs #30for30 presents "BYU's Caffeine Curse"

— Brian Fagan (@bdfagan) September 22, 2017

congrats to byu for legalizing caffeine, with this initiative they may soon accept other radical notions like consent and gay people

— Goth Ms. Frizzle (@spookperson) September 21, 2017

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