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TJ Miller Is The Master Of Hilarious And Ridiculous Yelp Reviews

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Alright, first off, Silicon Valley is my sh*t and it’s a sad day in the world when the likes Erlich Bachman (TJ Miller) is written off the show. It’s just inhumane. Regardless of this tragedy, TJ Miller is still keeping active on his Yelp page, even the New York Post is taking notice of this burgeoning food critic.

Miller has a great taste for many a things. He loves beautiful women (preferably married), slightly expired yogurt, fine cuisine and the dankest bud in California. No wait, I think I’m describing his character on Silicon Valley. Nevertheless, Miller is a legend among men. Let’s see how he responds to the food of Jui Noodle in Greenwich Village. Miller chowed down on more than noodle that night.

Miller started off his journey with dumplings and suggested how you should try them…

We mostly go for the dumplings, but this place is no “dump” in terms of its noodles that’s for sure!
LOL roll on the floor LOL or a farewell ROTFL ROFL roll roll roll drop and roll laughing avoid the fire roll on the floor laughing.

Yup. Typical TJ Miller right here. But wait…it’s gets better! He offers eye-popping advice. Literally…

The Hong Kong pork bun, and the fried pork buns are incredibly delicious and very soft… if they are warm when they come to the table push them against your eyes and your face… You’ll thank me later!, or it’ll feel weird and you won’t thank me when you see me later on.

Are you done rubbing those fried pork bunks against your grill? Save your appetite with some shrimp! Watercress shrimp dumplings, to be exact. They green…”green like this God’s great earth!”

Watercress shrimp dumplings? Why the fuck would I not you crazy motherfuckers they’re green for god sake – green like this God’s great earth!

Of course, any good review is always complete with one slight downside/drawback. It’s those damn bags. But the food sounds exquisite.

I would be lying though, and I would be remiss not to be authentic as one of the original yelp gangsters, but the quality of their paper bags are shit. It’s a pile of garbage the bags they use in their takeout and delivery are so low-quality that I wouldn’t put shit in one of them and light it on fire outside the porch of my most hated English teacher from high school.

But you should really be dining in, you barbarian. And clean your plate.

Bon appetit, TJ!

TJ Miller Yelp Review: Jui Noodle, Funny Yelp Review

Yelp

COED Writer
I've been sent out of college, with honors and such, on the search for the American Dream. I'm a New York native, filtering through the net for the next hit story. I'm a good bro, too. Check out my brother's art page: https://www.instagram.com/foulfacekoala/?hl=en