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Instagram Hero Parodies His Girlfriend’s Fitness Page With Booze, Chicken, Burgers & Pizza


Many of us have come across Instagram pages of fitness freaks, where every photo is some health-conscious suggestion or up-close shots of oddly-toned abs. Well, this guy Wellness Ted takes the opposite approach and parodies the hell out of all the workout nuts out there, more specifically, his very own girlfriend.

Edward Lane a.k.a. Wellness Ted took many photos of his physically-fit girlfriend for her Instagram account. Lane took so many pictures of her that he got inspired to create his own account dedicated to his special brand of health and fitness.

Lane created the character of Wellness Ted, who has a drawn on six-pack, wears a pink tank top, enjoys junk food and looking sexy. Ted chows down on burgers, beers, chicken and pizza. He also has a pack of cigarettes in his yoga picture, which you know, isn’t good for you

Wellness Ted said, โ€œLiterally hundreds of people were double-tapping a picture of my girlfriend eating salad โ€“ it made absolutely no sense to me. But most of all it cracked me up.”

Ted showed the world that they’re a lot of things sexier than salad…

PROGRESS // On the left – unhealthy. On the right – healthy. At the start of the year I thought the only way to get abs was being restrictive with my diet. Pizza was on the menu – but only in bite size pieces. And, as you can see from the look on my face, I wasn't happy about it! And then all of a sudden I discovered the WHOLE FOODS DIET. Before that I never knew what whole foods really meant – and then I realised it just meant ALL OF IT. And I've not looked back since. For months I'd been enviously scrolling Instagram seeing lean influencers photographing and talking about all the amazing treats they squeeze into their nutrition plans – doughnuts, popcorn, chocolate, peanut butter, chocolate AND peanut butter – while still looking fantastic. Initially I thought they were all a bunch of phoney liars. Taking a picture of doughy goodness before turning to a plate of leaves. But now I know that, contrary to some people's concerns, everything you see on social media is genuine and real *breathes sigh of relief* And it turns out there's some science behind it too. Research conducted by the esteemed Dr Oetker – an expert in the field – found that refusing to slice up your pizza and eating it whole means your body has to work harder to break it down. This slowing of digestion prevents the insulin spikes associated with weight gain and helps you to feel fuller for longer, preventing snacking. Now that's what I call an upper crust health tip! Lunch, anyone?

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A lot of things…

ACTION AND REACTION // Forget about counting your macros. Weight maintenance is all about matching the calories you burn to the calories you consume. If you want to weigh more then eat more and do less. If you want to weigh less then eat less and do more. But look at me, I look amazing, so I'm working on maintenance. . . And so that means finding the perfect reaction for every foodie action. Which is where your ๐Ÿ‘ comes in. As one of your biggest muscles your glutes can activate more muscle fibres, making them one of the most metabolically activate parts of your body, requiring more calories to be burnt for fuel every time they contract. And so… Strap on a resistance band and start clam shelling. . . Whether you're by a pool repping crisps at the @fitbituk_ireland #houseoffit or on your chaise longe at home and spotter is dropping grapes in your mouth it's the perfect exercise to make every food guilt-free. . . ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿผ to @lensaction for bringing a little production value to #wellnesstedworld

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His girlfriend is a good sport for going along with his shenanigans…

Definitely relationship goals for sure…

A LOAD OF HOT AIR // Today we're guilty of living our lives at a million miles an hour and that stress can cause you all kinds of problems with posture. The key to restoring these imbalances is regular diaphragmatic breathing with – now stay with me here – laughing gas. A deep inhalation of hippy crack (the bigger your balloon the better, and yes I did match my ballon and sports bra, duh!) serves to relax you, bringing your ribs down and resetting your body to take on the daily grind of tight deadlines and heavy deadlifts. Brought to the cutting edge of wellness by all-round brain box @lukewtraining and my hero @wellness_ed, it's a trend that's set to blow up (lol). In fact, unlike those fun sponge festivals like Glastonbury, laughing gas will be actively encouraged around the wellness festival scene this summer – so start stocking up on canisters now! I guarantee this new movement will make you stronger, healthier and put an all-important smile on your face. Happy blowing!

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COED Writer
I've been sent out of college, with honors and such, on the search for the American Dream. I'm a New York native, filtering through the net for the next hit story. I'm a good bro, too. Check out my brother's art page: