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WATCH: Miami Heat’s Hassan Whiteside Launches A Full-Scale CSI Investigation Into The Death Of A Parrot


When Miami Heat’s Hassan Whiteside walked into his backyard, he was probably not expecting to find a dead body. Well, a dead body of a bright green parrot, to be exact. Whiteside was shocked to find the deceased bird lying on the grass. And this Miami Heat center wouldn’t let his feathered friend’s death go uninvestigated. General Beaky will not die in vein!

Whiteside went all around his property, interrogating various witnesses about the crime. He questioned multiple coy fish, but none of them were cooperative. The fish obviously didn’t have their lawyers present, so they responded with silence. Not one fish would budge. They allegedly spent too many years “in the streets.”

The Miami Heat star gave up on the fish, as they obviously don’t snitch. He then set his sights on a black decorative bulldog sitting on his porch with a red tongue sticking out the mouth. Whiteside questioned this dog to no avail.

Everyone is way too hood to snitch. But don’t worry, Hassan Whiteside is still on the case!

Hopefully, the investigation won’t turn out to be a cold case for this Miami Heat center.

  • COED Writer
    I've been sent out of college, with honors and such, on the search for the American Dream. I'm a New York native, filtering through the net for the next hit story. I'm a good bro, too. Check out my brother's art page: