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Gotta Respect The Balls On This Woman Robbing A Sprint Store With A Machine Gun


Fayetteville Police

I guess if you’re going to rob someone, you really should just rob the hell out of ’em. Think “speak softly and carry a giant stick”, except “rob stores and make sure everyone in the area knows about it by using a machine gun.”

And despite the flagrancy of this woman’s robbery, she actually got away, as Fayetteville Police need help identifying her.

The robbery happened Monday, August 7, at a Sprint Store located at 7830 Good Middling Drive in Fayetteville, North Carolina (shout out J. Cole)

Police say the unidentified woman walked into the Sprint store carrying a large military-style long gun. She then demanded cell phones from the store clerk.

According to ABC:, she then fled in a dark blue Mazda.

Furthermore, the suspect had dark hair and was wearing a green tank top with black horizontal stripes, black pants, and black sneakers with a tattoo on her right shoulder blade.

Additionally, anyone with information on the suspect is asked to contact me, as I’m vaguely turned on by this Sara Connors-esque woman and would like to take her out for a drink or two. I bet she’s a Jack & Coke type of girl. I like that.

COED Writer
A New Jersey native & Rutgers University graduate who firmly believes it's better to be lucky than good. My goal in life is to one day write a Batman screenplay. You can probably find me somewhere cooking either too little or too much pasta. contact me -