Shutterstock
That’s one prick of a tick! Just one bite from this blood-sucker, and you’re bacon-munching and burger-biting days will be over for good. That’s right! No more double cheeseburgers, no more spare ribs of any kind, no more America (basically).
This little son of a piece of sh*t is called the lone star tick. The white dot or “lone star” on the back has given this feisty little fu*ker its nickname. This dot is present only on the back of female lone star ticks. And I’m sure they’re plenty of girlfriends who want their guy to stop eating so much red meat. Well, guess what ladies. You’ve now got a tick to force that steak from his mouth if lip service alone doesn’t do the trick.
Normally, this little bugger is found in the southeastern region of the United States. But the case of the little star tick is spreading. Recently, reports of lone star tick bites are popping up as far north as Minnesota and New Hampshire, and these horrors are even at the tip of Suffolk County in Long Island, New York.
The CDC describes this sneaky little sh*t as a “very aggressive tick that bites humans.” They also note that “lone star tick saliva can be irritating; redness and discomfort at a bite site does not necessarily indicate an infection. The nymph and adult females most frequently bite humans and transmit disease.”
Side effects of this bite may include an itching sensations, hives, stomach cramps, difficulty breathing (which may lose to loss of consciousness), diarrhea, and a strong and permanent allergic reaction to red meat from cows and pigs.
How does this tick make you allergic to red meat?
Perhaps, the worst side effect of all is finding out that you can no longer eat any red meat because of a single tick bite. You can’t eat bacon. You can’t eat a hamburger. You can’t eat bacon on your burger. What the f**k?!
Possibly the only worst side effect is the “difficulty breathing” part, and that’s only if you die or receive permanent brain damage from lack of oxygen.
Here’s how it works: That tricky tick uses its saliva to infiltrate the immune system of the human host, which sends off signals to the body whenever a carbohydrate called galactose-alpha-1,3-galactose AKA alpha-gal is ingested. Once the alpha-gal in the bacon (or any red meat) is consumed, the body believes that the person has just ingested poison. The body responds as if you’ve injected yourself with a dangerous substance. After that, you’re stuck with chicken and seafood for good. Sorry, buddy!
This tick really sucks!
As a side note: what the hell is that person in the lead photo thinking? Unless you’re a diehard vegan and want to get infected, stay away from that damned lone star tick! Stay away!
Don’t tangle with this tick! Think of all the steak you’ll be missing out on, America. That’s not the USA I know.
