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Steve Harvey Writes Legitimately Insane Email To His Staff Demanding They Don’t Speak To Him

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(Photo by Moses Robinson/Getty Images for Neighborhood Awards)

I’ve always felt like I was alone on this one, but I’ve always hated Steve Harvey.

His dumb bald head. His buck teeth. His accent. His general un-funniness. And yet, he’s everywhere. If you watch TV on any given weekday between the hours of 11:00 A.M. and 4:00 P.M., you’ll probably see Steve Harvey forcing his eyeballs out of his head as he reacts to a contestant’s zany comment. Honestly, it makes me kind of nauseous to even think about.

I don’t even hate Harvey because of the whole Miss Universe thing — I could literally give a shit less — it’s everything ELSE that I hate about Steve Harvey.

But before, it was a little difficult for me to justify my distaste. He’d never done anything legitimately wrong, and given the number of jobs he’s given, is clearly well liked.

Well people, I’m here to tell you I’ve been right all along: Steve Harvey is insufferable and if you didn’t think so before, this legitimately delusional email he sent to his employees should have you woke in no time.

Good morning, everyone. Welcome back.

I’d like you all to review and adhere to the following notes and rules for Season 5 of my talk show.

There will be no meetings in my dressing room. No stopping by or popping in. NO ONE.

Do not come to my dressing room unless invited.

Do not open my dressing room door. IF YOU OPEN MY DOOR, EXPECT TO BE REMOVED.

My security team will stop everyone from standing at my door who have the intent to see or speak to me.

I want all the ambushing to stop now. That includes TV staff.

You must schedule an appointment.

I have been taken advantage of by my lenient policy in the past. This ends now. NO MORE.

Do not approach me while I’m in the makeup chair unless I ask to speak with you directly. Either knock or use the doorbell.

I am seeking more free time for me throughout the day.

Do not wait in any hallway to speak to me. I hate being ambushed. Please make an appointment.

I promise you I will not entertain you in the hallway, and do not attempt to walk with me.

If you’re reading this, yes, I mean you.

Everyone, do not take offense to the new way of doing business. It is for the good of my personal life and enjoyment.

Thank you all,

Steve Harvey

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  • COED Writer
    A New Jersey native & Rutgers University graduate who firmly believes it's better to be lucky than good. My goal in life is to one day write a Batman screenplay. You can probably find me somewhere cooking either too little or too much pasta. contact me - eric.italiano@teamcoed.com
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