Hey, remember that weirdo who said he’d eat a picture of Jason Segel every single day until the How I Met Your Mother star returned the favor? Yeah, well it turns out that wasn’t the best of ideas. This may come as a shock to some of you, but printer paper isn’t exactly the healthiest sustenance in the world.
It has been 54 days since Noah Maloney began eating photographs of Jason Segel and still the Hollywood actor has yet to acknowledge Maloney’s existence (please don’t 13 Reasons Why it, dude). That makes sense since Segel is a very busy man. But as a result of this campaign, Maloney’ health began to falter to the surprise of absolutely f—ing no one.
“I dunked a whole photo into a beer and tried to do it in one big ball/swallow and it lodged in my throat,” he told The Daily Dot in a recent interview. “I tried to get it down with more beer but it was stuck and there was 15 seconds where I came to terms with the fact that that was how I would go… Jason Segel would have killed me. But then I threw up the ball of paper and beer onto my friend and ate it after so it’s all good.”
You’d think a near-death experience might deter him from his journey. He even sounds a little fatigued. “It takes up a lot of our lives now,” he said in the interview. “Even though it’s such a simple task, it seems like such a drag and big deal out of my day every day. It’s not hard to keep going, it’s just boring.” via The AV Club
Here’s Maloney’s latest video in which he finally admits that all hope is lost:
I’m glad Maloney is throwing in the towel. I doubt Segel would want this dude’s death on his conscience.