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I Was Watching Children’s Cartoons Last Night & They Dropped A Wildly Sexual Joke Right On My Forehead


via WB

The first trailer for Zack Snyder’s wildly anticipated (not necessarily for the right reasons) Justice League dropped over the weekend, and since then, I’ve been admittedly nerding out a little bit and watching all the old superhero cartoons from my childhood. Those Batman cartoons from the ’90s are pure fire, but I ripped through those over like two days, so now I’m onto Justice League.

Television writers and networks slipping adult innuendos into their children’s cartoons always fascinated me. Granted, with a cartoon like Justice League, you imagine there’s a larger percentage of adults watching than there is the average cartoon. And to those adults watching like I was, over 12 years after its initial release, it’s f*cking hilarious. I’d listen to Batman crack jokes about Superman’s probably slight manhood all day. Screw it, maybe slip in threesome joke with Wonder Woman. HawkGirl could be a Furry and Green Lantern a Mandingo. The possibilities are endless.

But what about the other side of that coin? What about if an overly anal (not the good kind) mother is watching and she catches your little wink-and-nod to premature ejaculation? Next thing you know you’ve got a coalition of stay-at-home-moms rallying against Cartoon Network and their ‘overly sexualized’ cartoons. Throw in the fact that you’ve got Wonder Woman and HawkGirl rocking the strapless look all the time, and suddenly you’ve got a bunch of middle-aged women with free time and a bone to pick. In 2004, when Justice League began, this scenario was far less likely to play out. But in today’s world, you bet your ass you’d start seeing commercials and posters for MAOSC, Mothers Against Overly Sexualized Cartoons.

I remember when I was a kid, learning a new curse word or dirty phrase was like pulling off a shady drug deal. You’d go to your edgy friend with the older brother. You know those drug dealers you see in the movies with the long, brown, trench coats? The ones who keep their entire inventory of narcotics taped to the inside of their jacket. Little did we know, the adults were subconsciously passing them out to us all along, one Wally Wets nuts-too-soon joke at a time.

COED Writer
A New Jersey native & Rutgers University graduate who firmly believes it's better to be lucky than good. My goal in life is to one day write a Batman screenplay. You can probably find me somewhere cooking either too little or too much pasta. contact me -