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The First Contender For ‘Spring Break Knockout Of The Year 2017’ Is Here


He’s dead. He’s probably dead.

I can tell you right off the bat, this is somewhere in Florida. Do I have any hard evidence to prove this? No. But what I do have is experience and knowledge of all things spring break.

Clue #1 that this is Florida: the clothing. Everyone is fully dressed while on the beach. The only spring break venue where people run around the beach fully clothed is Florida. You go to Mexico or any of the Caribbean islands and I guarantee you that it’s a sea of swimwear and none of this fully dressed nonsense.

Clue #2 that this is Florida: the overall ratchetness. Pure pandemonium. There is no DJ in sight, no stage, no bar… just a bunch of drunk college kids on a beach. It’s a cesspool of chaos.

Conclusion: this is 1000% Florida. And this, kids, is why if you’re going to tank money into spring break, go to Cancun or the Bahamas or Cabo. NEVER Florida.

COED Writer
A New Jersey native & Rutgers University graduate who firmly believes it's better to be lucky than good. My goal in life is to one day write a Batman screenplay. You can probably find me somewhere cooking either too little or too much pasta. contact me -