I’m probably not getting the credit I deserve for my NFL picks over these past few weeks. To say I’m on fire would just be flat out disrespectful, I haven’t picked games this good in my whole entire life. If you don’t believe me, check out my flawless record from last week. That’s right, I gave you five winners last week because it’s the holiday season and I’m a charitable guy. If you were smart enough to take my picks last week and earn some extra cash to buy your friends and family Christmas presents, this week’s winnings should be used for treating yourself. Love the games we have on tap for Week 14, couldn’t feel any better about these picks. Your winners for this week are:
Steelers -2 @ Bills
I don’t know if I’m in the minority on this, but I’m not buying into the Bills. Sure, they’ve been playing some okay football up to this point in the season, but I think it all comes crashing down this week. The Steelers might be back after reeling off two straight wins, and I think that they are going to absolutely torch the Bills’ defense. It’s a big game for both teams as they’re both still fighting for playoff spots, but when push comes to shove I’m going to take Big Ben Roethlisberger over Tyrod Taylor every day of the week and twice on Sundays.
Browns +5.5 vs Bengals
You read that correctly, I’m going with Believeland. I’m well aware that they’re 0-12 on the season, but hear me out on this pick before you call me an idiot (which wouldn’t be inaccurate). Although the Browns have been as good as their record shows, the Bengals don’t deserve to be 5.5 points better than anyone this year. They’ll be without two of their best offensive weapons in A.J. Green and Giovanni Bernard so scoring could be a bit of an issue for them. I don’t know if the Browns will win, but they should at least keep it close. Let’s freaking do this Cleveland, this is your Super Bowl.
Packers +3 vs Seahawks
I don’t feel great about this pick, but I’ve been so hot lately that it’s bound to be a winner. The Seahawks are clearly the better team and are even considered to be Super Bowl contenders, but not having Earl Thomas could really end up hurting them (thanks, Captain Obvious) when trying to shut down Aaron Rodgers and Green Bay’s passing game. I also have a hard time betting against the Packers at Lambeau in December. Call me old-fashioned, but there’s something about the calendar flipping to December that always makes me say, “Bet every last dollar you have on the Packers if they have a home game in December. I don’t give a shit who they’re playing, they’re going to win, you dummy.” I don’t know, maybe that’s just me. Anyways, Go Pack Go.
Chargers @ Panthers OVER 48.5
Both of these defenses suck and both of these offenses are really good, not much else to say about this pick other than that. Also, even though both teams are pretty much out of the playoff picture, Cam Newton is such a narcissistic asshole that he probably really doesn’t care about this game, as long as he can pad his stats and do a couple of douchey touchdown dances, he’ll be just fine, and that’s exactly what I expect him to do.
Jets @ 49ers UNDER 43.5 – Lock of the Week (Possibly of my Lifetime)
Never in my 25 years of existence have I ever felt better about a pick than I do about this one. If I could describe both of these teams in one word, it would be LOL. They are both so laughably bad that I really can’t see the score of this game being anything other than like 10-7, and even that’s pretty generous of me to give each team a touchdown. I have no idea who’s starting at quarterback for the Jets, all I know is that he’s going to suck, much like his counterpart on the 49ers, Colin Kaepernick. I don’t advise doing this, but if you wanted to bet every last dollar you had on the under of this game, I can’t say that I would hate the move.
These past few weeks of winners have been a somewhat out-of-body experience for me, really just surreal. With another week of winners coming at you on Sunday, it really seems like I may get every gambler in debt back to even by the end of the year, how noble of me. Five games, five winners. Let’s boogie.
Record on the season(started in Week 6): 23-10-2
Locks of the Week: 4-3