Two Burglars Pick House Of 300-Pound Notorious Sex Predator To Rob, Things Go South (Literally) Fast

According to the much vaunted news website, two burglars named Garfield Morgan and Kim Gorton picked the worst possible house to rob. They chose the home of Harry Harrington (photo above). Who is Harry Harrington, you might ask? Here’s a pretty quick bio on him:

Harry Harrington is 6’7″ and weighs over 300lbs. It’s pure muscle. He’s a notorious gay s*x predator who has served time in jail for numerous sexual assaults. An aggressive and predatory offender, he’s not the kind of man you want to annoy [source].

Here is a photo of Harry.
Unfortunately, as Garfield and Kim soon learned, trying to rob someone of their possessions is pretty annoying. So like a scene out of a twisted, more-adult, gay version of Don’t Breathe, Harry aka “The Wolfman” overpowered them and tied them up. Obviously a notorious sex predator like Harry isn’t going to be satisfied with just trying up his prey, so he allegedly sodomized the two for a period of five days.
Judging from their faces below, though, those five days might as well have been a lifetime. Apparently Garfield didn’t always have that lazy eye.
Things probably would have gone a lot worse for the hapless burglars if a neighbor of Harry’s hadn’t heard the loud screams of Garfield and Kim. When police arrived at the scene, they arrested Harry, and dragged him off to jail for two counts of false imprisonment and sexual assault.
I’m sure these two burglars thought that the worst thing that could have happened to them is some pesky kid sets up a bunch of traps and gives them a couple of stubbed toes and minor burns. No way did they expect to have their anal virginity taken by the largest homosexual sex predator known to man. That might make them rethink their whole life of crime, right?
Now that I’m done writing this, I really hope that you all know that this  completely ridiculous story sounds about as fake as anything I’ve ever read. But that being said, this is one of those articles that’s going to go viral, so in the interest of page views I wanted to publish it. Harry Harrington? Is that even a real name? No f*cking way it is.
Also, how is this story trending on Facebook? Facebook! Get it together Zuckerberg. Your computer algorithms are broken.

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