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72-year-old Willis Gene Burdette wholeheartedly agrees that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. On August 10, Willis broke into a Massillon, Ohio home to show his passion for this meal in the most disgusting way possible. From The Smoking Gun:
A grand jury this week voted to indict an elderly Ohio man on charges that he snuck into the home of a 61-year-old woman and ejaculated into a bottle of orange juice that he then shook up and returned to a refrigerator shelf, according to court records.
Burdette entered the home by finding a key inside her shed. While the victim clearly needs to go back to the drawing board when it comes to hiding spare keys, she did have a security video running. This was a huge help in enabling police to find this colossal pervert.
The Smoking Gun
Burdette will have an arraignment on October 21, and he will be facing felony charges for burglary and contaminating a substance for human consumption. I think we can all agree that they need to lock up this monster and throw away the key. Nobody deserves to have their tasty morning beverage tainted with the seed of an elderly, deranged creep.
Unless of course, if Burdette committed this crime in the Belichick residence. According to the Geneva Conventions, he would then automatically be granted immunity.
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