Listen, breakups are hard. We’re not going to judge you if you cry your little heart out, or have a mini breakdown and start doing stupid things every night of the week. But what we will judge you for is if you use an app to get over your lost love.
The Rx Breakup app is a new program designed to help you get over your ex in 30 days. Each day the brokenhearted are given a new task to help with their emotions, encouraging them not to get back in contact with their ex and instead, realize their destructive dating patterns so the detrimental cycle won’t repeat itself the next time around.
I think I just threw up in my mouth.
It’s a breakup! They suck and you get upset, but you’ll get over it. And you don’t need a phone app to tell you that. Here’s 10 things that will help you get over your broken heart faster than this sh*tty app. Time to shape up!
1. Hello?! Drink! Drinking solves all problems, and you’ll forget everything in time. Plus you’ll have an awesome time doing it, so this is a win-win.
2. Regain your confidence with a nice solid hookup. No need to go crazy here – and please God steer clear of prostitutes, you’re better than that – but a good makeout session with a hot girl goes a loooong way. And if you make it further, good for you buddy! You’re gonna pull through in no-time.
3. Get a new hobby, preferably one that doesn’t end with you crying hysterically all over a stranger’s shoulder – people tend to frown upon that.
4. Hang out on Tinder. All that swiping is bound to get your mind off the shredded pieces of leftover dog sh*t otherwise known as your heart.
5. Get rid of all evidence. Unfavorite her tweets, delete Instagram snaps, unfollow her on Facebook, and block her from Snapchat. If it didn’t happen on social media, it didn’t happen at all.
6. Vent until you can’t vent no more (or until your friends want to actually kill you). Let the annoyances and little fights overcome you!
7. Spend an entire day doing things she hated. Side note: this is also hilarious.
8. Call up her best friend and try to take her out. Chicks love that!
9. Call up her mom and try to take her out. Chicks love that too!
10. Man up and get the f*ck over it. You’ll find someone else, you big baby!