For the record, drinking in class is an activity reserved for only the lowest of the low, layabouts who can’t be saved, and students who are only students by name. As you could probably guess, we’ve got a lot of experience drinking in class, so we’re more than happy to share with you our secrets.
Whether you’ve got plans after class or are just trying to keep the shakes to at bay, these are the best ways to drink in class.
BTW: Anyone can rip shots before class. Only the boldest multitask in class.
Best Liquor
The key with drinking in class is stealth. The less people who know you’re getting loose, the better. That’s why it’s imperative that the only thing you drink is plain vodka. Whiskey, bourbon, gin: these liquors all have distinctive smells. Even flavored vodka smells.
So just sack up and buy the vodka–it’s not like you’re drinking in class to enjoy it. You’re drinking with a purpose.
Best Container
As someone who’s been sober occasionally, you know that you can smell liquor better when you’re sober. Therefore it’s important that your boozy container have a lid that shuts. Vessels like red solo cups are a dead giveaway. Instead, go with a Nalgene. Not only do they have more room for liquor, your professor will just think that you’re staying extra hydrated. The wide mouths also mean you can fit some ice to keep things cold.
For particularly early classes, travel mugs will also do in a pinch. Always make sure that they’re closed when you’re not drinking them.
Best Class
Obviously the bigger class, the better chance you have of remaining unseen. We suggest lectures, but not sitting directly in the back where the slackers sit. Position yourself 3/4 of the way back, just enough that it doesn’t look like you’re completely indifferent about your parent’s money that your wasting.
If you’re going to drink in a smaller class, take extra special care that your professor is either your best friend or 100% oblivious to anything. Ironically enough, if he’s a drunk himself he might realize what you’re doing.
Gum Is Your Friend
For many reasons, you need to keep the smell of booze off your breath. Keep minty gum in your pockets and keep those suckers coming as often as possible
