Back when it was snowing outside and we couldn’t feel our fingertips for six straight hours, we wanted nothing more than the summer heat to come pound our faces in. And now that it’s here and doing just that, we’re back to complaining.
Here’s the top ten reasons why we hate summer. We’re already sweating.
Too Many Weddings
If you’re not a Rockefeller, this can be the worst. And even if you are, it’s still the worst. Weddings take time, money, and effort to get to. No one wants to watch 15 best man speeches or countless weird uncles try to grind up on your date. And RSVPing “no” puts you on everyone’s sh*t list, so you really can’t win.
You know the feeling – beads of sweat start pooling at your forehead on your way to work because hey, the sun’s out and that’s normal. But then you start walking and your pants are suction cupped to your legs, while that white button-up you threw on to make yourself look like a professional is not letting in any air and starting to show some serious pit stains. By the time you actually get to work, you look more like a washed-up sewer rat than an actual human being, and who wants that?
This is probably the worst thing on our list. The slimy feeling sucks, and no amount of hand washing will rid your digits of the slickness. But if you don’t use it, the probability of you looking like a lobster is pretty high (especially for all those pale people out there), and while getting aloe slathered on your back by a how stranger sounds incredible, sleeping on the burn is anything but.
Not Actually Having a Summer
Because you’re working for the man every night and day, and they don’t give a rat’s ass about your desired day trips to the beach. Remember when you didn’t have to work? Those were the days.
The name is misleading. A fling insinuates no strings attached; you casually meet the hot girl on the beach and she thinks you’re great, you guys hook up, and continue to do so for the rest of the summer. When fall comes, you go your separate ways and think about how awesome your summer was. But the dream is just that: a dream. When fall comes around, she’s not letting go easy, and all of those summer nights turn into something else: a romance straight out of a Nicholas Sparks novel. Good luck, buddy.
People Who Stink
Sweating makes you smell! And for those who don’t always remember to put on deodorant in the morning (uh… guilty), things get real nasty, real quick. Which brings us to our next reason…
A pile of trash smells as it is, but put it out in the hot sun for a few hours before the garbage dudes come to pick it up and you’ll find the reason why rats have a thing for the big cans.
People Suddenly Obsessed With Doing Outdoor Activities
Hiking? Mountain biking? Surfing? No. The beach is plenty, and sitting at home in the air conditioning is preferable. Just because you’re watching the Tour de France on TV doesn’t mean you’re a professional biker. No need to show off how active you are – we all know that’ll change once it gets below 70 degrees.
Your Alcohol is Always Ruined by Nature
Sipping on a cold beer while parked in the sand sounds pretty ideal, but not when the sand, bugs, and nearby strangers’ sweat is finding its way inside your cup.
Lack of Air Conditioning
Heading indoors can be a Godsend when you’ve spent hours in the heat, but when you don’t have a functioning air conditioner, you might as well just throw yourself into a heaping pile of steaming lava. Inside heat is waaay worse than outside heat, so best of luck to all of those less fortunate.