The 7 Most Unsexy Sexy Commercials

For the most part, sex sells, unless what you’re selling is really unsexy. If that’s the case, adding an erotic touch to the ad makes things creepy and confusing. In case you doubted that, here’s seven commercials to prove you wrong.

Sheba Cat Food
We’ve always been fans of Eva Longoria, and we’re not ashamed to say we watched Desperate Housewives a few times just to catch a glimpse of the Texan beauty. What are we ashamed of, you ask? How excited Longoria gets over cat food. We get it – you love your cat! It’s fluffy and likes to lay on your head, and makes for really adorable Instagram selfies. But their food is nasty, not to mention it’s reminiscent of what we puked up last Friday night. So please, relax.

Carl’s Jr.
Listen – we love Kim Kardashian just as much as the next red-blooded man with adequate vision, but not even Kanye West‘s hot wife can make a salad sexy. At the end of the day, greens aren’t hot, they’re healthy, and no one likes healthy (except for fit girls – we like them and that’s obvious a different story). If you want to get all orgasmic over food, save it for a piece of meat – not feta and apples.

This is just weird. Why are those girls dancing provocatively? Where did they come from? Why are they so excited about dirt? And how are they not at least a little bit offended that there’s a man gawking at them while sweating profusely? Is he having a heat stroke? And what the f*uck does this even have to do with fertilizer? So many questions that we’ll never know the answers to.

Let’s think about this logically – yes, skittles are absolutely delicious. And yeah, sex is awesome! But combining those two elements isn’t. Kidney stones are cringeworthy enough, imagine having dozens of skittles squirt our of your body. No. Thank. You.

Carl’s Jr.
Considering the amount of sexy Carl’s Jr. commercials there are in the world, it’s hard to believe that the brand landed on this list twice. While watching Paris Hilton perform a sexy car wash isn’t the worst thing to happen to us recently, the possibility of getting a perfectly good burger soggy and soapy, may be. At least try and be responsible, Paris!

Liquid Plumber
Using “clogged pipes” as a sexual euphemism is just creepy, not to mention “clogged” makes us think that’s code for having at least seven venereal diseases. Pus is also not a turn-on.

Lindner Coffins
Unless you’re a necrophiliac, death is not sexy. Neither are coffins, or being buried underground and cuddling up with worms for the rest of eternity. We’re also at a total loss when it comes to what’s going on in the commercial, so there’s that.



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