In the wise words of Robbie Hart, love stinks, and break-ups even more so. With Valentine’s Day right around the corner, it can be rough when you’re single, but a cozy night of drinking away your sorrows and contemplating the probability of dying alone is just going to make matters worse. So quit your sulking, man up, and feel better knowing at least you’re not one of the guys below.
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American Psycho
Dating a serial killer can’t be easy, especially when you’re not totally aware of their favorite pastime and think they’re joking when they eventually spill the beans. Patrick Bateman: case in point. While the Wall Street douche bag tries to break-up with his girlfriend normally and let her down easy, things quickly escalate when she essentially doesn’t let him. Watching him leave her at the table while he has to “go return videotapes” is painful. And so is watching him bludgeon some stranger’s head in during the next scene. Ouch.
[youtube=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9zSVkxMyqoU&w=590]
The Shining
Sure, this may not be the type of break-up you’re used to – a conversation isn’t present, an agreement to remain friends is never mentioned, and the only tears present in this scene are produced from screams of terror. But one thing is certain: their relationship is over, especially considering Jack Torrance’s wife is wielding an ax at him and aiming for the bullseye.
[youtube=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sOJd5U3FsQw&w=590]
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
The break-up scene in Forgetting Sarah Marshall is as hilarious as it is horrifying: being on the receiving end of a cheating bombshell is the worst, but being told while butt-ass naked is the worst. Manhood was demolished in a T-minus 15 seconds.
[youtube=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pYI0bXZVZek&w=590]
The Foot Fist Way
Danny McBride wins in The Foot Fist Way when he gets the last word by pissing on his wedding ring despite being the dumpee. Divorce court, two thumbs up.
[youtube=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8bukPGph2ec#t=18&w=590]
Taxi Driver
Seeing Robert De Niro play a vulnerable, desperate suitor on the verge of a mental breakdown is highly uncomfortable; you can’t help but feel sympathy because of how pathetic he seems. Obviously this didn’t alleviate his psychotic tendencies. Hang up the phone Robby boy, just hang up the phone.
[youtube=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zHY93RaSWf4&w=590]
Wet Hot American Summer
The summer is made for flings, hence why Camp Firewood was practically a haven for teenage orgies. But the summer ruefully comes to an end, and with that comes the death of summertime relationships. Clearly Coop here didn’t get that memo.
[youtube=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X7LmDUwkBYg&w=590]
Crazy, Stupid, Love
Cheating seems to be a constant on this list, but Steve Carrell’s response to his wife bonking her co-worker is the best. Throwing yourself out of a moving car seems logical at the time, until said car accidentally runs you over. Heartache is painful enough, no need to add to the torment with two broken legs.
