Uh-Oh, SpaghettiOs Landed This Redhead 47 Days in Jail

Some haters claim SpaghettiOs are “bad for you,” whining about negative nutritional value or some such nonsense. However, SpaghettiOs really did turn out to be pretty terrible for 23-year-old Gainseville, Florida redhead Ashley Gabrielle Huff, when residue from the canned Campbell’s treat got her wrongly imprisoned for 47 days after police mistook some leftover SpaghettiOs’ goop for meth. Uh-oh, indeed.
Huff, who has no prior criminal record and likely sports pubes that are naturally the same color of SpaghettiOs’ lip-smackingly tasty “tomato” sauce, was pulled over by police last July. An officer spied a spoon in her car and suspected it contained drug residue. Huff explained that she’d been eating SpaghettiOs while driving, and that she disposed of the can but kept the eating implement. Gainseville’s finest weren’t buying it. (There are a few news stories out there, but we especially like the outraged take from PoliceStateUSA.)
Huff then suffered in a jail cell from August 2 until September 18, having to rely on Gainseville’s sharpest public attorneys for defense, while Gainseville’s speediest scientific minds analyzed the spoon. Ultimately, Gainseville’s least apologetic authorities admitted that the substance in question was, in fact, SpaghettiOs gunk.
In fairness, that orange ooze in which SpaghettiOs swim actually does not resemble any other organic substance on Earth (which is probably why it’s so out of this world delicious), but this young, innocent, and radiantly attractive woman spent the second half of her 23rd summer behind bars. She deserves exoneration, restitution, and replacement SpaghettiOs galore—and not just the plain stuff either; the hard-to-find kind with the little hot dogs cut up in it. Justice is justice, even when doled out by the spoonful.