“Sex is like Chinese food,” explains Botson Southie dad Alec Baldwin to his teenage son in the 1999 cult comedy Outside Providence; “it’s not over until everyone gets a cookie.” [photo: Michael Buckner/Getty]
That’s a funny, loaded line that not only conveys a gentleman’s approach to lovemaking, it also invokes the climactic charm of the traditional last course of many a grand Asian meal: the fortune cookie.
September 13 is officially Fortune Cookie Day. So today let’s pay tribute to the perfectly simple confection of flour, sugar, vanilla, and sesame seed oil by cracking one open and committing to follow whatever guidance emerges on the little white slip of text-inscribed paper contained therein. In the event you can’t make it to a Chinese restaurant, check out this online Fortune Cookie Message generator.
For today only, do whatever the cookie advises. Actually play those lucky numbers. If the fortune dictates it’s a good time to take risks, live dangerously tonight. If it’s a cosmic meditation on the nature of existence, turn this evening’s bar chatter into a philosophical give-and-take (you know how many yoga babes you can score with such blather?). If it says to buy more Chinese food, do that (and we’ll spare any jokes regarding how you’ll be hungry again an hour later anyway).
If you convince others to similarly celebrate Fortune Cookie Day, you can slip some great comedic pepper oil into the proceedings by picking up novelty fortune cookies that bear decrees on the order of “You will contact salmonella poisoning in the next five hours” and “You will be surprised by the fact that goat pee does not taste that bad.”
Trust the cookie. Be the fortune. Or not, because there are also plenty of bizarre fortune cookies out there. Here’s hoping your Fortune Cookie Day spares you this kind of weirdness…
It’s Fortune Cookie Day: Celebrate Your WTF Future, Sweetly [GALLERY]
