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12 Reasons Why This Week Won’t Suck (July 28-31)



It’s been a while since there was an awards show to gather Hollywood in an attempt to congratulate and embarrass itself, so the 2014 Young Hollywood Awards seem like a welcome diversion rather than an overindulgent annoyance. On the gaming front, there is Titanfall DLC and The Last of Us Remastered to tempt you. There are also tons of home video releases to check out, including a pair of classics in Woodstock: 3 Days of Peace, Love and Music 40th Anniversary Edition and Twin Peaks: The Entire Mystery. All will be much more enjoyable when eating yourself sick on National Milk Chocolate Day.

Here are the 12 Reasons Why This Week Won’t Suck.


Titanfall: Frontier’s Edge DLC

(Out Now)

The Xbox One stunner, also available on PC and the Xbox 360, is tons of fun but can grow stale for heavy players. That’s why this DLC map pack — on is so welcome, adding mech-on-jetpack-soldier slaughterhouses dubbed Dig Site, Haven and Export. The $10 pack  is part of the $25 season pass.

The Wolf Among Us

The Wolf Among Us Season 1, Episode 5: Cry Wolf

(Out Now)

Telltale Games, the developer behind the excellent The Walking Dead series, knocks it out of the park again with its adaptation of Bill Willingham’s Fables comic book. Set in gritty, 1980s New York, fairy tale characters backstab, murder and sexually subjugate one another for your sadistic entertainment. The season finale ties up tons of loose ends and has you hoping a second season is in the offing.


Milk Chocolate Day


Whether your poison is candy bars, milkshakes, brownies, ice cream or Count Chocula, chocolate works for every appetite, taste and situation. Celebrate the made-up holiday in style by overdosing on luscious, luscious chocolate like Augustus Gloop.

Young Hollywood

2014 Young Hollywood Awards

(Monday 8 p.m. EST, CW)

Who knows or cares which stars are nominated for “awards” in this publicity stunt masquerading as an accolades event. The show will be all about the spectacle of gathering hot, young, dumb celebs, putting them onstage and hoping for some viral awkwardness. Jonah Hill, Channing Tatum, Emilia Clarke, Jennifer Lawrence and Emma Roberts are a few of the names who will be in attendance you can hope will get drunk enough to do something crazy.


Kate Upton

The Other Woman on Blu-ray/DVD


Cameron Diaz, Kate Upton and Leslie Mann play women who learn they are all being strung along by the same high-powered business dude (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau). Instead of claw at each other and roll around in wrestling matches — which would have been incredibly hot, by the way — they agree to work together to hurt him as badly as he did them. Deleted scenes and a gag reel top off the Blu-ray/DVD/digital copy combo.

Twin Peaks

Twin Peaks: The Entire Mystery on Blu-ray


This monster set captures the entire sprawling, head-scratching David Lynch TV mystery, which rocked early 1990s water coolers. In addition to the show, the weird prequel movie Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me is also included. Deleted scenes, cast and writer interviews, a look at Lynch’s career and an intro from the man himself fill out the set.


Woodstock: 3 Days of Peace, Love and Music 40th Anniversary Edition on Blu-ray/DVD


Since your parents or grandparents who made it to Woodstock were too stoned to remember the watershed festival, it’s a good thing this nearly four-hour documentary exists. It captures the sights, sounds, sex and madness, placing you in the thick of the cultural maelstrom that won’t likely be replicated in modern times. In case the colossal movie isn’t enough Woodstock for you, there are three hours of behind-the-scenes footage, as well as another documentary that analyzes the cultural significance of the event.


Inter Milan vs. Manchester United

(Tuesday, 7 p.m. EST on NBCSN)

Watch your truly lace up the boots* against Inter Milan down at Fed Ex Field as MUFC take on their next opponents as part of the 2014 #ManUTour.

The Last of Us

The Last of Us Remastered


One of the best games of 2013, a PS3 tale of survivors who try to get by after an apocalyptic event has decimated society, gets remade for the PS4 with souped-up graphics. The remake includes all previously released DLC and commentary from the creative director. Finally, a reason for PS4 owners to part ways with their PS3s.

Nelson Cruz

Angels at Orioles

(Wednesday 7 p.m. EST, ESPN)

The surprisingly AL East-leading Os take on the wildcard race-leading Angels. Expect to see a home run derby, because two of the AL’s top mashers — the Angels’ Mike Trout and the Orioles’ Nelson Cruz — will go at it.


Sharknado: The Second One

(Wednesday 9 p.m. EST, SyFy)

The worst possible natural disaster in the world–powerful tornadoes that drop thousands of sharks–strikes New York City this Wednesday. We don’t need to remind you that the first Sharknado was the most surprising hit of the year, so make sure that you watch The Second One to ensure you’ll have some dumb stuff to talk about with your friends. We’ll be updating you on more Sharknado: The Second One as the week progresses.

The Quest

The Quest Series Premiere

(Thursday 8 p.m. EST, ABC)

This reality/competion show blends the medieval historical nerdery of Game of Thrones/Lord of the Rings with the frantic, mind and body-crushing challenges of The Amazing Race. Twelve contestants don dragonslayer armor, take up swords, bows and arrows, and vie to ascend to the throne while avoiding flesh wounds.

  • COED Writer
    Watches movies and games for work, then watches more movies and plays more games on his downtime. A movie and video game critic since 2001, Phil is the author of Secrets of a Stingy Scoundrel, Stormin' Mormon and Zeta Male. Twitter: @philvillarreal