10 Telltale Signs You Need A New Drug Dealer

There are few relationships more special than the one between a drug dealer and their client. When done correctly, it’s a solid mix of business and pleasure where both parties get what they want and nothing else. When they go sour… well then everyone’s upset and things get progressively worse.
The tough part when it comes to this relationship is that people mistakenly think the dealers have all the power. The fact of the matter is that this simply isn’t the case–if things start going south, just find another dealer! Here are 10 telltale signs you should take the high road and find someone else.

1. Your dealer stops picking up your phone calls.

The relationship between you and your drug dealer is heavily dependent on communication i.e. you call him so he can sell you drugs. If your dealer stops picking up your phone calls or answering your text messages, it’s going to be a little difficult for you to get your drugs. Probably time to start asking your friends for numbers.

2. Your dealer starts calling you.

On the exact opposite side of Sign #1 is what happens if you become too close to your dealer. They start calling, wanting to come hang out and be your friend. And while it might be nice every now and then to get smoked out by your dealer, please remember that a good dealer doesn’t smoke out their customers.

3. Your dealer starts bringing +1’s.

Depending on where they “go down,” drug deals can be sketchy enough to begin with. So once you start adding new faces into the mix, things can get darn well scary. Ever had to get into the passenger seat of someone’s car at 1 AM while their homeboy is in the back seat? It’s impossible to tell what he’s up to. Or what about when your parents are gone and one of them asks if they can use the restroom? It’s impossible to keep an eye on both of them.

4. Their bags start getting light.

This one is pretty much a given, but for some reason some people stick around dealers who start shorting their customers. It’s got to be somewhere on the level of battered woman syndrome. You know you should leave, but you just can’t.

Then you start going over to your friends place when they start ordering and you see their, big and beautiful bags. That’s when you need to (politely) introduce yourself to the salesman and ask for his contact information.

5. They start taking longer than they should.

Drug dealers are pretty much the most tardy people in this universe, so it shouldn’t really come as a surprise if you’re stuck waiting for your vices for up to 2 hours (more than that is just ridiculous). However, if they say that they’ll be there in an hour and actually show up two hours later, that’s bullsh*t. They should know their schedule/route.

On that note, any one else notice that “Drug Dealer Time” is the exact opposite of “Bar Time?” Drug Dealer Time is like an hour late, whereas Bar Time is always fifteen minutes ahead.

6. Your dealer offers you your first bag of heroin for free.

This is just a sign that your dealer is a greedy, bad person. It’s one thing for your dealer to tell you that they’ve got more than what you’re buying, but trying to get people hooked on a drug just so they can become addicted to it is the sh*ttiest of sh*tty moves.

7. Your dealer is too high to pick up your phone calls.

If your dealer is too high on his own supply to pick up your phone calls, clearly making money is not #1 on their list of concerns. You should remind them of the mighty power of the dollar by simply finding someone new who likes to make bank.


8. Your dealer posted video and photos of you high.

I mean this is pretty much bad business but it’s not out of the question that a dealer would do something like this. Take a look at Angelina Jolie and Rob Ford, both of whom had dealers who went public about their drug use.

9. Your dealer starts getting angry with you.

There are a few reasons why you should move on if your drug dealer starts getting angry with you. First off, it’s unlikely that they’ll be very accommodating to you once they start getting upset (smaller bags, make you play the waiting game, etc.). Second, you don’t actually know how dangerous they can be. And finally (and most importantly) you don’t need that sh*t in your life. You’re paying someone to give you something, not attitude.

10. You live in Colorado.

If you’re looking for marijuana and you live in the great state of Colorado, why not just buy it legally? Sure it might end up being a little more expensive (which is not something that’s lost on us) but the fact of the matter is that you don’t need to deal with any of the bullsh*t that we’ve talked about in this post. Just go there on your own time, buy what you like, and get out of there.

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